The funniest thing happened today. I laughed for about an hour about it. I just could not stop laughing. I felt bad about it later, but it was just so funny. I hope when I read this letter later, I remember what the joke was. I'll be slightly cruel and not let you on in the joke, but just so you know, it is hilarious.
My brain hasn't been very co-operative lately. I sat down to write and couldn't come up with a single good line. So the former and the latter of this letter neither comprise of blatant attempts at wit, nor attempts to sound profound.
I'm perfectly fine one moment, and then I think about frustrating things and end up ruining my mood. I've frustrated myself, that's all. I'm sure there are a million things to look forward to, but I have this dilemma of being stuck in the past too much and convincing myself that what fantasies I've created in my mind will eventually come true. Alas, fate does not work that way. And when it doesn't, I've already convinced myself that it will. And then I end up frustrating myself and my head starts throbbing.
When things go wrong, I am not brave. I've noticed that. I bury myself in different thoughts and stay quiet until it's over. I think over every possible damage that could be a result of a certain decision or happening and tear my hair over possibilities even I know are not remotely probable.
People do what they do for a reason. And I don't understand how you can generalize someone as 'bad'. I can't disregard a person's intentions just because of a bad outcome. Most people don't mean to hurt other people. And most people don't understand how most people don't mean to hurt them. Mad is a small word for this world.
Onto slightly happy things. Slightly.
I happened to spend my evening with a frail, old Uncle recollecting memories of his youth. There was a point in the conversation where he'd stopped frequently to clear his throat to disguise his breaking voice. "You have time don't you?" ..I had all the time in the world. And I'll admit, I felt wonderful about lending a ear to long-forgotten tales, but most of all, I felt wonderful about him lending such tales to my ears.
He patted my head at the door, and the shine in his eyes spoke volumes. Some day, it'll be us, longing to be heard by someone who will listen. And some day, in the same way, I will tell a 15 year old to realize the gifts that parents are and to repay their love with love. God willing, ofcourse.
Today, by the water cooler, there was a group of five little kids, arguing over who was the eldest while the water tap ran. I remember telling a random Aunty that I was ten years old when I was five. That's just weird. And there was a kid today that followed us to our car and stuck her head inside and refused to leave while she rattled away the name of the owners of the other cars present in the area and asking ridiculous questions that Ammi tried to answer with a straight face. Lucky little people. I'd love to not care.
It's almost an hour past 12 now. It's one of my best friend's birthday and I still haven't started on the card. There's only a crumpled piece of chart paper left now, I need to remember to buy one tomorrow. I'm sure the frequent use of "Your birthday isn't coming up at all, is it?" in the past week hasn't ruined the effect at all. I'm glad there are people who know the crazy side to me and still think of me as moderately sane. For that, I will be eternally thankful. I also owe a card to friend-who-sees-tears-before-they-fall. FWSTBTF in short. Hey, that's pretty cool. I'll tell her about it tomorrow.
The only cat I will ever love is spelled with the letter 'K'. I remember sobbing near the kitchen sink and looking upto the kitchen window into a pair of green eyes that I eventually figured out were the cat's. But not before I screamed. Creepy.
And my phone is finally learning to accept that I tend to add the letter 'h' to words for no reason at all. It did not correct me when I wrote 'sorreh'.
I thank God for people & things. We're infinitely blessed. Yes.
Thankyou for listening.
Love,
Me.
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