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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Mango Season

Dear friend,

It is mango season. The wood of the door smells like it. Do you know the smell? It is sickly sweet. It is the sweetest you'll ever taste. Mangoes here aren't similies, they are metaphors. They are smelled, they are looked over and the police isn't good but the mangoes are. Sometimes my brother accelerates when there is a body sprawled across the road at 1 AM but he stops at a mango stall. The mango-seller knows the art of selling mangoes. They are piled on top of each other like pyramids on flimsy wooden stands and sometimes mangoes at the bottom of the pile are not-sweet but never bitter. There are fleas but the mango-seller whips his ragged cloth and they fly away momentarily.

It is mango season. It means the sun is high and when the temperature rises, the sweat trickles down the face of the man with too many wrinkles and chocolate brown skin. Air-conditioners feel like a lie, because the girl in the street and bangle clad wrists doesn't live inside cool air, the man on his motorbike is letting the sun seep into his skin, and somehow my skin knows that. At one point, you have to switch it off and let the air out and the hot air barges in. It is very hot here but the mangoes are sweet. My friend says her summers were punctuated by mangoes and that you could slurp mango pulp and it could be all over you and you could bleed mango and her father would take a water pipe and wash it away. I sit in my kitchen and someone offers me a mango after a fight like a peace offering and my hands bleed mango in the middle of the night. They say no mangoes taste sweeter.

It is mango season. There are a few ways to measure summers in Karachi. One: when you need a bath after every thirty minutes. Second: when you spot the mangoes on stalls. Third: with the monsoon rains. Summer is loud and ceiling fans roll like spinning tops - it is a busy season for the cieling fans. But you can sing in the bathroom because nobody will hear. There is no silence except yours. Sometimes God decides that the Sun needs a break so the clouds pillow fight and scream grey and come pouring out. Some people think rain is the kind of time when you write poetry, other people pile up on motorbikes and drive away to the seaview road and find the beach where they find more water. Some people stand in their doorways and update their statuses and some are grumpy because they don't understand why everybody is excited about rain. There are no rules here. You just are. Teachers form human barricades to drag students into corridors from the open ground so they don't go wild in the rain but when the bell rings for the last time in the day, armies and armies of girl come thumping down the stairs in Viva la Vida fashion, and there is a noise, it is a "Whoo!" and a "Haa!" combined. It is nothing and it is everything and it is chaos just because it rained. But there are flip sides. There are sides of the story when water stalls in the street, the transformers explode, the ceilings fans dawdle into lifelessness. The electricity leaves and somebody shakes their head with a resigned sigh. The next morning the water will stand still, you have to roll up the windows because someone will zoom ahead and splash water all over you. There are sides to the story when you are reading in the glow of an emergency light for your entrance test because there is no electricity, there is no generator, and the silence is dead because the water still stands and the car engine died and your grandmother is at the hospital. There are bad times. There are good times.

It is mango season. I can mark the calender with the kind of drinks blending in the blender. At first it is lassi, sweet and frothy, complete with a white moustache across your face. Then there are juices made out of unripe mangoes and then mango milkshakes and then the moustache across your face is yellow. The sunset is dressed in Khaki, the clouds always form a different pattern and the heat dies down at five-o-clock, now you can feel the wind. We are not silent. My city is ridiculous. Humour is plastered across phrases at the back-side of a rickshaw. It says, "Ab ham kidhar jaein?" Where do we go? June-july is said together, like a couple, married by sunshine. I have never seen a tourist in my city, white-skin people don't stand on roof-tops and take pictures. Maybe because no one has ever seen the places like we have. Nobody except us has taken the wind for granted, because nobody except us has called the chaos of the city home. The streelights burn yellow, and on the rooftop there is always room for another poem, another letter, another song. Sometimes I like that we are alive. Sometimes I don't understand why we know the sound of ambulances better than we should have, sometimes I don't understand why people are stolen as much, if not more, than things and sometimes I don't understand why the night cripples into fear. Sometimes I find the answer in the gardener who always returns to water the flowers, sometimes I find the answer in the man who stalls his rickshaw and looks at the sun setting behind the clusters of houses somebody calls home, sometimes I find the answer in someone selling garlands at the traffic signal. At one point the garlands take up the entire stand. By night time there are only one or two left.

Love,

Me.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

for a food court stranger

I don’t suppose you
write your alphabets like I do - maybe yours are alphabet domes and alphabet temples with alphabet men bending their backs in prostration -
my alphabets in my Urdu notes are curved and dotted and the alifs adorned at the top with a cape of their own because I give that to them -
but we exchange money on opposite sides of the counter and our words match because they sound similar on both sides of the border -
I don’t know if I can trace your chocolate skin to smell of spices and saris and a decade of street cricket and now we are here - polished floors and air brushed pictures for perfume ads that say “euphoria” - but for us it means something different, it means the first drop of monsoon rains and the first sight of mangoes and secret love letters that feel forbidden even inside our hearts -
the food court doesn’t smell of your amma’s favourite recipe, it is modern, it is all this it is all that and you can see your face on the slab of the counter and it doesn’t feel like our streets because no one is being ridiculous -
they give you stares at airports, did you know? i feel nervous at customs and what they have seen of our kind, when bad drives you crazy and crazy drives you bad but it would be so sad to have
become what people have thought of us -
i pledge to wonder about you, i pledge to write you letters, i pledge to think of you as a hero, the hero of your room, the hero under the blanket at night who goes to sleep thinking about childhood streets, i pledge to trace your skin back to the smell of jasmine and garland clad wrists that you fell in love with, i pledge to paint with bare air with my fingers the family portrait you carry inside your wallet, i pledge to read the book stowed away at the end of the shelf untouched for weeks or months, i pledge to find a hand and look for graffiti on walls and take a blurry photo of someone on a chingchi, i pledge to point out places in street corners and the obscure coffee shop and the bakery that looked a lot like the one in a story book, i pledge to reach out for stardust of fallen stars and the patchwork that still remains on broken dreams
because everyone can see you towering, but would you see me cowering? In an alleyway with a notebook and downsized dreams because dreams are expensive and my voice can be small - i want to hear you from miles away, the moment of making before it becomes victory, the time of your life before it becomes a memory, the memoir before death, the epitaph before you are gone - we are now, we are this, wrapping aluminium around Arabic food so someone else can have a better life - and you tear your gaze like you are not an infinity, like you do not have dreams and like the universe would ever be complete without you - how could it be? it is the universe who decides who is beautiful enough to be showcased under nights skies and sun lit days that hover above us - the universe decided on you. the universe decided on me.
isn’t the light in the nightsky from stars that have crumbled away? we are crumbling stars with fallen lights but ones that make the darkness lighter.