I was Here.: January 2011

Monday, January 31, 2011

Words.

All too less

All too much

Splatter

Clatter

Crashing

Chasing

Until I'm left with none.

And still,

they are not enough

And still this is not

the end.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

How?

How can you miss

someone

You never really had?

If I could choose.

If I had the whole world to choose from,

And all the gold that ever were,

I'd still come running to you,

If I could choose.

One day I'll fly.

One day,

I'm going to grow my wings,

And fly out far from here,

I'll fly to you,

My flight so fast,

I leave behind my fears.

What a cool day! Emu performed with the vocals competitors. IT WAS SO SO GOOD!!! Now we're watching the films. Two so far by PECHS Girls school so the noise level is HIGH HIGH HHHHHHHHHIIIIIGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHAHAHA! :D SO PROUD OF THOSE GUYYYYSSS. AHH. =') International Schools Educational Olympiad, my people are gonna rock you.

What if?

I still wonder

If my destiny

Is inside those walls.

It has been true.

You will catch me when I fall,

I know I trust you through it all,

And when I get the chance to say,

I can't believe you came my way,

You will smile and tell me how

Through all the years, up till now,

It has been true.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Just one shot.

This my favorite of them all. It means alot to me. It will always be special to me.

She took my hand and squeezed it lightly,

She rested her head upon my shoulder,

She smiled at me and whispered,

"Just one shot at this."

I wondered why she smiled,

Wasn't this all, all too grave?

What if I got this wrong? This only chance?

I whispered back these worries,

But she just smiled more widely,

And sighed,

She said, "Darling, the artist paints his pictures,

But he always has another canvas,

And darling, a writer types out words,

But he can always erase,

So it's the same, isn't it?"

She smiled once more

Her dimples showing,

Her face glowing,

Enough light to lighten the world.

My eyes grew round, and I tilted my head a little,

I spoke after much consideration,

"So what you say,

Is that I can risk this,

But I can take it back?"

She pouted, as if in deep thought,

She lowered her gaze and spoke

In a voice that did not belong to her,

A voice that was close to cracking.

"Not always, no,

But what I mean, is that, if it doesn't

work out to well,

You aren't stuck on the same road,

There's always a way out."

My face contracted, a tear fell,

And I said to her

"What if there is no way out?

What if I am stuck forever in a abyss of tears and remorse?"

She looked at me tenderly,

She wiped away the tear,

And put her arm around me,

She said, "Sometimes you just keep

missing the trains that are supposed

to take you to where you want to go,

Sometimes you do feel stuck,

And sometimes there seems to be no way out.

Sometimes the tears can't stop falling,"

She bit her lip, and hesitated,

Then looked at me intently,

And said with words I knew she spoke from the heart,

"But my dear, there's something in there,"

She patted the left side of my chest,

"Darling, even when you're stuck

You've got the hammer,

You've got the nails,

You've got the paint brush,

You've got the paint,

So if there is no way out,

Make your own."

She said with a playful glint in her eye.

I smiled.

And said, "So..."

She smiled and waited,

"Just one shot at this?"

She kissed my forehead,

and nodded, with tear glistening in her eye,

"Yes darling, just one shot at life."

I did not wipe away the tear

that rolled down her cheek,

Because I knew it was a happy one,

I kissed her back, and whispered to her,

"I'm going to make you proud one day, Mom, if God wills."

I searched her eyes, but I only found more tears,

Then she held me close,

And said to me, "You already have."

She's my hero.

Living.

Let's forget the world for a while,

Let's just smile at anything,

Let's just lie against these walls,

Let's just laugh out loud at everything

Let's just forget the world for a while,

Let's just live for once and cry out to the mass

It's a beautiful, beautiful life here, world,

I'm living what was made for me.

Just hoping.

I just hope that one day

In a crowd of million

You'll smile back,

and notice me.

The Problem.

Time and time again I find,

The world is not to blame,

Most of the times my tears fall out,

I have caused the pain.

The problem is not the world,

The problem is not them,

The problem is me myself and how

I am enclosed in my den.

I'm not ashamed to admit that

I have made mistakes,

I'm not afraid to admit that

I was on the verge to break.

But I realize now that this beating heart,

Beats in me for a reason,

And the pain I inflict on myself,

Is nothing less than treason.

So here I am, I may have lost,

But that's just so much more to gain,

I know now how to conquer now,

How to run away from this pain.

In an hour spent studying physics:

5 minutes - Dancing to the Omore ice-cream truck music.

10 minutes - Logging onto faceboook, blogger, tumblr, twitter for no reason at all.

5 minutes - thinking about food/eating.

5 minutes - Blankness

5 minutes - Thinking about stuff I never usually think about

10 minutes - Panicking about how I don't remember the previous things, and then going through them only to find I do remember them

5 minutes - Staring at pages

15 minutes - Actually studying.

Friday, January 28, 2011

OKay this kind of cheeeeesy, but I've kind a just realized how through everything only, like, a few people have been there. Three or four, people I can count on fingertips that I know will remain 'friends' all through life, I hope so atleast.. Ily guys. You know who you are. I'm so thankful for all of them, but through the DUH DUHH DUHHS, WHATSOEVERS, TOLGAPS, BSC. IN ELASTICITY, SLICK RATS AND BEEMAR CHOOHAS, SABAS, PENGUIN FLAPPERS, 8{D] <- EMOTICONS, WARM AND CUDDLEHNESS, KITKAT BAR, HASSAN BHAI KI HANSEE, TAINERS, I've found friends worth dyiiing fooor. =) And so the ABSOLUTE CHEESINESS is worthh it. =)

I have learnt as I go through life,

Still young and lots to learn,

No one compares to kind of friends,

The kind that you have earned.

The kind that cry with you and then

They wipe away the tears,

The kind that laugh with you,

Through all your haunting fears,

The ones that reach out to you

When you try to run away

The kind that hold you back and don't

Let you fade away.

The kind that can laugh at you

Not just laugh with you

The kind that can make you smile and grin,

Through tears that are tearing you.

You are true and you are brave

You've helped me in my falls,

You stand out amongst the rest,

You're the greatest of them all.

Pretending.

I blind myself, I try to hide, I run away from doom,

Blinding myself to lies, the huge elephant in the room,

Ignoring what I can't avoid, I go on and put on my smile,

I pretend everything's okay, that I am safe from vile.

I pretend that I am fine, that I don't need the help,

I pretend that I am not ...lying to myself.

Huge thankyou.

I owe a huge thankyou to Aleena, 'cause honestly her words are all that I need right now. So if you're still reading, thankyou loads, you have no idea how much you've changed my life. I can never thank you enough for this http://wordsarewings.tumblr.com/post/2528465269 , it keeps me going. I might not know you that well, but you've been an awesome friend. Thankyou, thankyou so muchhhhhh.

What has changed.

Through all the years we did not know,

We did not know that as we'd grow,

That as the days would drag past by,

Our world would contain all these lies,

And we did not notice any change,

But looking back, we're not the same,

This bond is falling weak and frail,

Our smiles and laughs did not leave trails,

Those times we shared and all we had,

We've lost it all, the good and bad,

I look back now and ask myself,

Did you really answer my cries of help?

I wonder now what has changed,

Cause I know by now we're not the same,

I lost us to time, lost you to fate,

We grew apart, we took fate's bait,

And looking back on tears and grins,

I realize what's changed..is everything.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

If you look closely, you'll see.

If you look closely you'll see the cracks,

That I've hidden through it all,

You'll see the tears about to drop,

That they're about to fall.

You'll see the ache, the sadness,

You'll see I need the help

You'll see that I'm wanting to

Run away from myself.

This voice in me.

Listen, there's a voice in me,

A force that brews within,

Careful now, this sanity,

Is turning paper thin.

Listen now, it's raging,

Waiting to be free,

I fragile now, and strong because,

of this voice in me.

I LOVE THIS SONG. Maybe it's because it takes me back to the back room of our hold house, when my biggest sis snuck up to the recorder and played it. She'd take me out to McDonalds, buy me that 1 Dhs. Ice cream, which was supposed to be a secret, and then she'd take me to the back room, where the studying table was, and play the song. :D I LOVE it. It's like 10 years old. I still know every single word to it, and I still love every second of itttt. =) Westlife rules, maaaan. One song I can't ever get tired of listening to.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Another normal conversation. :D

AHHHHH, I FINALLY WAS ABLE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HER. I'M SO SPAZZZZZED. YAYYY. :D

Her: MMYWP (Me missing your wall posts).

Me: MMYEFW (Every freaking where).

Her: Awhgod. I wish they'd understand.

Me: Yeah. Wish wish wish wish WISHH.

Her: I'm crying.

Me: Ohey, me too.

Her: Don't you cry.

Me: Whatever, I'm used to it. But let's be happy. Sadness is boring. I don't like it.

Her: Yeah.

Me: 8{D] Guess who this is?!

Her: Pokey, I'm guessing.

Me: DING DING DINGG, YOU AREE CORRECT. B)

Her: LOL.

Me: COME OVER TO THE POKEY SIDE, WE HAVE ADORABLENESS AND NO ONE GETS HUUURT.

Her: Ahahahahaha.

Her:

# 8D] BIEBER!!

Me: ....O WOW THAT WAS JUST AS BEAUTIFUL AS HIM.

Her: Sorry, drew it wrong. =p

Me: He IS wrong. God, I just laughed so hard.

Her: ;D...WISH POKEY COULD BE REAL THO.

ME: SRSLY.

Her: ....

Me: hahaha?

Her: No..Lalala.

Me: Dadadada.

Her: Jajajajaja.

Me & Her at the same time: Kakakakaka.

Me & Her at the same time: CHEATERRR

Me: AHAHAHAHA

Her: AHAHAHA.

Me: TATATA

Her: FAFAFAFA

Me: TATATATA FO REAL, Tutor is here.

Her: BULLCRAP. OKAY. BYE.

There are some parts I'm afraid to admit to myself. Some pieces that I hide from everyone I know. Some pieces that might push away the more essential pieces in this life. Yet I want them to know. Know everything. I can't bring myself to tell anyone. Would they still think the same of me if I told? I don't know what to do at times that particular piece from the past haunts me and tries to fit into the present. I want it to go away. I want it all to go away. I want to live for the now, but somehow it drags me back to where it all started. I want to let go, push it away, but it seems it will only go away if I reveal it. I don't know how and I don't know why. I just want it to go away from my life.

I want to forget everything about it, I want to undo it, and I want to not know it. I don't know if that will ever happen.

Random rant over.

It's strange.

My heart is a strange well,

Full of deep secrets,

Some you will never know,

And some no one will ever know,

And this heart is a strange thing,

It longs for what is bad

And desists the good with might.

And it's strange.

Monday, January 24, 2011

I'm walking still.

I'm breathing now,

Through smoke and dust,

With cries and screams,

Through dawn and dusk.

Still alive,

amidst the dead,

Still holding high among

hanging heads.

Still standing while

The others fall

Their fears have fallen

But mine stands tall.

But I'll get through,

I'm walking still,

These people of stone,

They have been killed.

Day 11: Share your favorite recipe

Ingredients:

1. The Fridge

Recipe:

Take out anything good from it and eat it.

Day 10: A letter to the person you hate most or caused you a lot of pain

Dear person that caused me alot of pain,

It's funny though, I still care. I still care about why you cry, or what you're worrying about, or what you're thinking of or what's bringing you down. 'Cause truth is, it's nothing more than love for you that's stinging me, or causing me this pain of magnitude I didn't think possible.

Take care,

Me.

Ahhh. I have so many books to read.

1. The book of tomorrow.

2. The Lost Symbol

3. A thousand splendid suns

4. The perks of being a wallflower.

5. The hunger games 1 & 2

6. The Lightning thief

7. Shopaholic series

8. The Guardian

9. The Rescue

10. Fallen

11. Dear John

12. The Last Song

Stupid preliiiuuuumsss!!!!! Still going to read them, though.

"Do you remember the nights we

Stayed up just laughing

smiling for hours at anything,

Remember the nights we

drove around crazy

In love."

Ahh, this song. I will never forget lying there, sharing headphones, the song on max volume, and singing along to it in our bhondee voices, both staring into space.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Breaking apart.

And I was so proud of my world

The one where I escaped to

When everything failed,

But everything is failing once again,

And this world is breaking

Apart.

I don't even know why I'm texting her, why I'm writing depressing shizz on her wall, why I'm messaging her stupid lame stuff with short intervals KNOWING very well she won't reply. she can't reply. I miss you so badly. So very badly.

Waiting for a hello.

I talk to these empty walls, hoping they might speak,

I hope they might comfort me, hear my cries, my shrieks.

But this world is empty now, enclosed with all my fears,

I sit in silence, praying, someone might stop to hear.

I reach out for a hand that is not there, and fail yet again,

A piercing force takes over me, but I have caused this pain.

And yet again, time and time, I hope to see your face,

I hope to find you again, walking through this maze.

Won't you help me up now? I'm weak and breaking down,

Not proud of what I am today, not proud of what I found,

I call your name to the empty air, hoping you might echo back,

I hope for the light that's you, but everything is black.

So I'll sit here, and I will wait for you, as you go places and you fly,

I'm waiting for a hello again, and not for a Goodbye.

Destined to shine - Part II

For the loveliest sister-friend ever.

When misery surrounds, and there's no way out,

When you feel all alone, no one hears you shout,

You grasp onto whats left, but all else seems to fails,

When sobs and tears have left all their trails,

Look up, raise your head, there's someone above,

Someone who cares, someone who loves,

And if ever you need to be loved, to be embraced,

For this kind of love, you will not have to chase,

You will find it within, you'll find it outside,

'Cause there's someone always by your side.

Don't give up, please, just don't, don't let them bring you down,

Don't you let them give you a reason to frown.

I have faith, I believe, you can handle this mess,

'Cause I have faith, I believe, your best days are ahead,

Not worth your tears, any of it, so hold your head high,

Show them you can fly, you can touch the highest sky,

You have time to make whats yours, make all those dreams come true,

You have time to show the world, the wonderful You.

Leave them astounded, enchant them with your grace,

Leave them amazed at the sight of your face,

Don't ever let them hold you back or tell you that you can't,

'Cause they don't know what life has had them grant.

And if they can not value a treasure that is you,

Then they are not worth making you sad or blue.

And when you look inside, you will find in time,

what I have found..that you are...Destined to shine.

“All the while I feel like I’m standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs, and no one even looks up.”

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Twenty-One.

What I wrote on the card: "Okay I have nothing to give but this so yeah..UHH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HYPERBOLA. Twenty One! GEEZ, How old ARE you. Ammi says she'll get you the gift tomorrow, and I got no card, hence this, and as for me I sincerely hope BDS isn't the ruin of you and that you manage to pass the remaining of the two years so you can attend functions and such because I get bored and need someone to annoy. So yeah. That was my AWESOME birthday wish to you. DUH DUH DUHH. Okay Bye. "

(and then she said: "AW, THIS IS CRAP, BUT, VIRTUAL HUGGG." And I was like in front of her. So I cracked up.)

What I really wanted to write: "You're the best big sister ever, in the whole wide world, I love you to death, and my life would be barren and sad without you. You're downright gorgeous, inside and out, and secretly, I wish I can be like you someday. You're like the perfect role model for me, and you've been there through it all. Your help, your advice and all the crazy talk that uplifted me when I was down, I could never thank you enough for it. You've kept me laughing at times I wanted to break and run away. You've helped me because I know I was not alone in what I feel today, that you went through the same things. And the fact that you turned out so amazing, so awesome makes me hold on, and not give up. It keeps me going everyday. I don't want to imagine the house without you, but I know you'll be gone two years later. I don't even want to think about it. I've gotten so used to cracking up every single day with you inside this house that I can't imagine it without you roaming around or stuck in a corner, studying. But two years later it will have to happen, you will leave, and I don't know how I will bear this without you. I have no idea. So I'm going to make these two years worth something, I'll try to. I'm so proud of you already, and I'm going to pray every chance I get, that Allah gives you the very best through out your life, that you become the greatest Dentist ever, that you smile forever, and keep all of us smiling like this forever more, and that you see all the happiness anyone could ever get. You're amazing. I love you."

Convo

Sis: Wanna help me with the cleaning tomorrow?

Me: ....

Sis: I'm going to clean up around here, going to burn my books and all...

Me: Hahahahahahahahahaha.

Sis: BONFIRE.

Me: And we shall dance around it...

Sis: Singinggg..."Oompa Loompa!"

Me: What? That doesn't even make sense.

Sis: Well, something like...RIIING OF FIIIIIAAHHHHHHH. *imitates Lambert*

Me: Ahahaha you remember that?

Sis: Oh YEAH, He sang this when he won?

Me: Ahahaha HELL NO.

Sis: Oh yeahh he didn't even win! That other guy did. What was his name?

Me: Kris.

Sis: Oh yeahhh that guy! He was thin. And like this big *raises hands to height of lamp*

Me: Ahahahaha Yeah, that's the one.

Sis: But ofcourse Danny Gokey is the one YOU remember.

Me: Heck yeah.

*Hassan bhai on the phone*

Him: Which camera do you want?

Me: YOU'RE GETTING ME A NEW ONE?

Him: Yeahhh, which do you want?

Me: AHH IDK, BUT THIS ONE I HAVE SRSLY CANT GET REPAIRED?

Him: No, woh apney haqiqi ma'abood sey ja mila. Actually I'm getting it in a offer.

Me: OOHHH YAYYAYAYAYAYY

Him: How many megapixels was the old one?

Me: Twelve!

Him: Okay, this is a Kodak, and it's twelve megapixel too.

Me; AUAUAUAUSYAYAYAYASJJAKSUAYYAYY

Him: Geeez. Kayy I'm bringing that one. Khudahafizz.

Me: KHUDAAAAAHAFIZ.

YAHAHDJDHEYAYAYYYYYYYYYYY. ILHIMSOMUCH.

Fear.

So afraid to look in the mirror.

Fear of seeing what I've always

Feared.

There's a better world.

What keeps me going now,

What keeps my head held high,

What keeps me standing this firm,

What keeps me hoping,

Is believing

There's better world beyond.

Me neither.

Day 9: List some of your favourite tumblrs(/blogs)

Imma do favourite blogs! Too many favourite tumblrs. =p

1. www.katcassar-ilysm.blogspot.com

2. lumosnox44.tumblr.com

3. tabyyy.blogspot.com

4. nabihazeeshan.wordpress.com

5. soulsreflection.wordpress.com

Sister's birthday tomorrow. DOWNSIDE THOUGH: I DON'T POSSESS ANY MONEEHH.

So I'll just ask Ammi to get something nice as a present, and birthday card, and a cake, since I can't go myself since there's only three people in the house so only one can go.

I'll write something nice on the card to make up for the lame gift we'll be giving her. And then surprise with tehh cake at 12 o clocck. No idea where to hide the cake though.

And no idea why I'm posting this here. IDK, I want to do something for HYPERBOLA'S Bday.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Do what you are meant to do.

Don’t let them pin you to the wall
Don’t let them leave you to your falls

This is yours, and this is you,

So do what you are meant to do.

"The description of Paradise which the Muttaqoon have been promised is that in it are rivers of water, the taste and smell of which are never changed. Rivers of milk the taste of which will remain unchanged. Rivers of wine that will be delicious to those who drink from it and rivers of clear, pure honey. For them will be every kind of fruit and forgiveness form their Lord."
[ Quran 47:15]

"And their recompense shall be Paradise, and silken garments, because they were patient. Reclining on raised thrones, they will see there neither the excessive heat of the sun, nor the excessive bitter cold, (as in Paradise there is no sun and no moon). The shade will be close upon them, and bunches of fruit will hang low within their reach. Vessels of silver and cups of crystal will be passed around amongst them, crystal-clear, made of silver. They will determine the measure of them according to their wishes. They will be given a cup (of wine) mixed with Zanjabeel, and a fountain called Salsabeel. Around them will (serve) boys of perpetual youth. If you see them, you would think they are scattered pearls. When you look there (in Paradise) you will see a delight (that cannot be imagined), and a Great Dominion. Their garments will be of fine green silk and gold embroidery. They will be adorned with bracelets of silver, and their Lord will give them a pure drink."
[Quran 76:12-21]

"And those foremost (In Tawheed and obedience to Allah and His Messenger in this life) will be foremost (in Paradise). They will be those nearest to Allah in the Gardens of Delight. A multitude of those (the foremost) will be from the first generation (who embraced Islam) and a few of those (the foremost) will be from the later (generations). They will be reclining, face to face, on thrones woven with gold and precious stones. They will be served by immortal boys, with cups and jugs, and a glass from the flowing wine, from which they will have neither any headache, nor any intoxication. They will have fruit from which they may choose, and the flesh of fowls that they desire. There will be Houris with wide, lovely eyes (as wives for the pious), like preserved pearls, a reward for deeds that they used to do. They will hear no vain or sinful speech (like backbiting, etc.) but only the saying of: Salam, Salam, (greetings of peace). And those on the Right Hand, who will be those on the Right Hand? They will be among thorn-less lote-trees among Talh (banana trees) with fruits piled one above another, in long-extended shade, by constantly flowing water, and fruit in plenty, whose season is not limited, and their supply will not be cut off. They will be on couches or thrones raised high. Verily, We have created for them (maidens) of equal age, loving (their husbands only). For those on the Right Hand."
[56:10-38]

"Verily, the dwellers of Paradise that Day, will be busy in joyful things. They and their wives will be in pleasant shade, reclining on thrones. They will have therein fruits (of all kinds), and all that they will ask for. (It will be said to them): "Salamun" (Peace be on you), a Word from the Lord, Most Merciful."
[Quran 36:55-58]

(Source: http://www.shariahprogram.ca/articles/paradise-heaven-life-after-death.shtml)

Can you imagine?

Seriously made me cryy. Please Allah, let me be one of those on the Right Hand.

Happy.

And in those moments

The world shined

The birds whistled

The breeze danced

around her body

That smile on her lips

took it's place.

Everything was right,

And the world was

Beautiful.

And most of all,

she was

Happy.

Day 8 - A photo of you taken recently.

.....while talking to Marium on the phone.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

A perfectly normal conversation.

Her: NO ONE LISTENS TO ME HERE!

Me: What?

Her: I'm going!

Me: Where?

Her:...I'm just going okay.

Me: Where are you going?

Her: I'M MOVING TO CANADA.

Me: OH YAY.

Her: WHAT?

Me: No! I meant it like..

Her: NO, THAT'S IT.

Me: What?

Her: No.

Me: Okay.

Her: Okay.

*Silence*

Her: I'M GOING TO SAVANA *name of her resident building*...IT'S A CITY IN AFRICA.

Me: *Cracks up really badly.*

Her: *Laughs with me*

Me: *Cracks up again* AHAHA SAVAANAA.

Her: *hugs me* I'm going to miss you so much.

Me: *Sigh* Seriously.

Day 7 - A Youtube video you find funny.

"What do I do for a living?...I'm a country singer! What..? You don't believe me?? Okay I'll show you....'I'M WALKING DOWN THE STREET WITH THE SHOES ON MY FEET, THEY CALL ME BA-MA-MA-MA-MA-MA-BABA ALII."

"What, you see skin is brown, sweater is brown, you say hey, I see brown brown brown! What happen, first you were racist against black people, now you racist against brown people, you against EVERY PEEPAAL."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Reborn.

Reborn from burnt ashes

Reborn -

A dead soul, now alive.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Day 6 - A list of what you ate(/drank) today.

1. Choclatto Biscuits.

2. Milk.

3. Half a sausage.

4. Biryani.

5. Papay Ka Meetha.

6. Chicken.

7. Fanta.

8. More Chicken.

AHH. Just realized the elocution is tomorrow. I MEAN WHAT KIND OF ELOCUTION ISSS THISS, I'VE ONLY HAD LIKE TWOO REHEARSALSSS!!! I miss the old English Department Stafff. ANYWAY.

I showed them two poems Entrances And Exits and Ramblings of the Mind, already learnt the Entrances and Exits one, but they said the Ramblings of the Mind would suit better, and I haven't even learnt that one. :/ So long :o Grr why did I have to write sucha long poem =/ OH AND when I was reciting that one in front of them they said I had a British accent YAYYYYYYY I don't think that's true though xD But Hoor agreed with the teacher so idk , and when Ms Mahjabeen told 'em I wrote it, one teacher was like you remind me of Hermoine, and I was like Oooo-kay, LOL, NO. (To myself, ofcourse). ANYWAY.

I've shortened the Ramblings of the Mind & Heartening of the heart, to thiss:

Ramblings of the mind, Heartening of the heart.

Shadowy glances, hanging heads, anticipating doom,

In every nook and corner, those tales of misery loom.

Some try to keep the faith, but everything falls apart,

These shaken sobs are the sounds of a breaking heart.

The roads are so twisted and theres a long way ahead,

Heavy hearts, heavy eyes, every breath inhaled with dread.

Some look for possibilities, believing in keeping hope,

Some wish to avoid the reality, some wish to just elope.

Constantly reminded of how it should have been,

'Could's and 'should's and 'would's are sprouting from within.

So I may have stumbled & fell, I may have stood my ground,

But the stumbling and the falls just keep coming around.

I cannot see what is blinding me, because I'm losing hope,

I cannot see the power that will help me climb this slope.

Something is not right because I see those smiles shrink.

So I ponder about a different side, I now start to think.

This tale is just a story of another house in a city,

In just another country, that no one would care to pity.

Just one tale of misery, of thousands that are there,

In your mind, pestering the world, they are everywhere.

Not me alone, its not just me having to face my fears.

Misery haunts the world of people far and near.

And then I think about how its no reason to not smile,

Fear and sadness won't make my life one bit worthwhile.

Then something whispers to me gently in my ear,

The words start to make sense as I begin to hear.

Its like my heart speaking gently to my mind,

Slowly releasing the toxic feelings that had been confined.

My heart whispers: Get up, get going, because you're better than the worse,

You're not alone, you hold your hands with the entire universe.

They all think they go through the worse life can get,

But there are people who would die for these kind of upsets.

So even though I'm breaking down, even though I'm lost

Even though life is complicated, and some things cost,

I'll make a choice to be thankful through all thick and thin,

Not think about how it is and how it should have been.

And even though the walls of this house are falling down,

I won't let them fall, and I will stay my ground.

And even though some hearts are breaking beyond repair,

There's someone waiting to fix them up - someone, somewhere.

I cannot change now what is done, it was what fate had brought,

And even bigger than my problems, is my ever lasting God.

There are going to be last dusks, there will be last dawns

But time won't stop ticking and life will go on.

Oh shizz. Need ta learn this. Asap.

Free me from these thoughts.

Free me from these thoughts of mine

Erase them from my brain

Nothing but regret and anguish

Nothing but the pain.

I always lose my timetables whenever I make them and then end up not following themmm!!!! =/ So Imma make one here and then update it with passing days, so you know, I have more of a initiative to do it. =p

Okay here we go.

19th January - Wednesday - Factorization Exercise 5.5, 5.6, 5.7 ( 7:00 pm - 10:00 pm)

Physics Chapter 1,2,3. (10:30 - 12:00 )

20th January - Thursday - Factorization Exercise 5.8,5.9,510 (5:00 pm - 8:00 pm)

Physics Chapter 4 (10:30 pm - 11:30 pm)

21st January - Friday - Factorization Exercise 5.11, 5.12, 5.13, 5.14 (4:00 pm - 8:30 pm)

Physics Chapter 5 & 6 (9:30 pm - 11:30 pm)

22nd January - Saturday - Logarithms ( If we don't have extra classes - 9:00 - 3:00, if we do,

2:30 - 6:00)

Physics Chapter 7 & 8 (6:30 pm till the tutor comes.)

23rd January - Sunday - Weekend Homework (9:15 - 4:00) (+ Aili Zindagi Test)

Matrices (6:00 pm - 8:30)

Physics Chapter 9 & 10 (9:00 - 11:30)

24th January - Monday - System of real No.s (5:00 - 8:00)

Physics Chapter 11 & 12

25th January - Tuesday - System on Real No.s (5:00 - 8:00)

Physics Chapter 13

26th January - Wednesday - Algebraic Expressions

Physics Chapter 14 + 15

27th January - Thursday - Algebraic Expressions

Physics Chapter 16

28th January - Friday - Theorums (Book 1)

Physics Chapter 17

29th January - Saturday - Sets

Physics Chapter 18 + 19

30th January - Sunday - All Constructions. (2:00 - 5:00)

Homework. (6:00 - 8:30)

Hadees 1,2,3 (9:00 - 11:00)

31st January - Monday - Book 2 Chapter 1.

Hadees 4,5.

1st Feb - Tuesday - Book 2 Chapter 1.

Hadees 6, 7.

2nd Feb - Wednesday - Elimination (4:00 - 5:30)

Hadees 8,9,10. (6:00 - 9:00)

Surah Mumtainah.

3rd Feb - Thursday - Info Handling

Hadees 11, 12.

4th Feb - Friday - Info Handling.

Hadees 13, 14, 15.

5th Feb - Saturday - Surah Anfal. (9:30 am - 3:00 pm)

Variations.

2 Islamiat Notes.

6th Feb - Sunday - Trigonometry (9:30 - 4:00 pm)

Variations.

Theorums Book 2.

7th Feb - Monday - Trigonometry (Remaining.)

Practicals. (Interchange with date of practical.)

8th Feb - Tuesday - 2 Islamiat Notes. (4:00 - 8:00)

Theorums Book 2. (9:00 - 11:00) Remaining.

9th Feb - Wednesday - 2 Islamiat Notes (4:00 - 8:00)

Surah Ahzab (9:00 - 11:00)

10th Feb - Thursday - 2 Islamiat Notes.

Surah Ahzab.

11th Feb - Friday - Dedicated to Urdu which I have NO IDEA WHEN IMMA DOO. =D D= I think Imma interchange all the Islamiat things with Urdu if I get a whole weekend for Islamiat, then I can manage, I don't know how I will otherwise thouugh. :D D:

12th Feb & 13th Feb - For due Prelium.

"There's a hero,

if you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are,

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

The sorrow that you know

will melt awayy."

God, this song brings back so many memories. =)

Stars.

A shower of stars, they fall from the sky,

They fall, they crash, but they don't die,

And even though some shine so bright,

They hurt, they fall from such great heights.

I stand here dancing in the night

Shining with all these stars so bright.

And even though they fall and even though they crash,

They give me all the light that nothing could ever match.

'Cause even though some things can come crashing down,

They give more light than they ever have, down here on the ground.

I stand here dancing in the night
Shining with all these stars so bright.

Little Soldier.

He wakes up in the morning,

Used to the sounding blasts,

Used to the raging bullets that

Fly like a game of darts.

He is used to the fear that grasps

Seeping through his bones

He lives today, but he knows

Tomorrow he might wont.

Labeled for what he does not do

Blamed for their mistakes

That little soul, he's facing fears

That would surely make you shake.

The blood, the cries, the haunting screams,

They are a part of life,

The walls he is enclosed into,

Are closing into his mind.

The eyes outside, they watch for him,

They laugh as he stumbles and fall,

Get up, little soldier, don't you fear,

You're braver than them all.

One day you'll grow up and see the truth

One day you will be free

The innocence in the pain you bear

Is a pain thats part of me.

Grow up, little soldier, drive them out,

This is your land, your destiny,

He watches over you everyday

One day He'll make you free.

Little soldier, I envy you,

You'll die with such pride

You'll run free above, no pain shall touch,

In heaven you shall abide.

I honestly never got it. Why would you invade a country and then inflict all the cruelty on the children that never even do anything. Why would you inflict such cruelty on innocent citizens, and when they try to defend themselves they're labeled as 'terrorists.' Makes me cry, how their destroying the future of so many children. I don't even get why they're on war in Iraq. How would you justify killing so many brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers? Makes no sense. Not to mention how cruel it is in the first place. And they call THEM terrorists?

THIS. >>>>

Sorry, just had to let it out.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Revival.

A rumble of clouds,

They look up from

their circle of prayer,

The land is barren,

Not a flower in sight.

But a rumble of clouds

And

slowly

Little droplets

start to fall from the sky.

The faces lit up,

the drops fall on the ground,

The cracks in the soil

They mix into each other

The soil is wet

And the faces are wet

And the tears are wet

But this time they come

because they're overjoyed

The land sees rain.

The water

washes the pain away

Quenching thirsts,

Washing down the worries

Blooming flowers.

Revival.

A rose to remember.

A rose sprouted

In this barren land

And though left unwatered

It blooms

Though left uncared for

It's still as beautiful as ever

And even though so many

Have tried to pluck it out

With every effort

It's roots grow stronger

And even though it will die

Soon enough

The fragrance gives the world

A rose to remember,

Even through it's thorns.

In my dream today.

A lady comes up to me as I leave my room and says, "Don't make someone too much of a center of attention for yourself, it's called jihad-bin-nafs (fighting your desires), and remain careful."

She must have repeated atleast two times before I woke up.

Dear self, please listen to this lady. :(

Solo.

So low, the winds that now whistle,

So low, the music in my heart,

So low, the ground I now walk upon,

So low, this journey began.

Solo, this journey began.

So low, the mounds of happiness,

So low, the trenches of fears,

So low, the abyss of raging oceans,

So low, I sink into the sea.

Solo I sink into the sea.

So low, I'll drown in my own worries

So low, this ceiling of hope,

So low it began, so low it does end,

Solo the journey did end.

Politely asked.

Politely asked,

"How do you feel today?"

She smiles,

Widely,

"Fine, thankyou"

When inside,

Her insides are falling apart,

The bars on her heart,

And a voice screaming to let out,

A throbbing head,

Thoughts of magnitude and

Of nature you cannot fathom,

A force within

Battling with itself

And losing it's own war

A struggle inside,

Raging screams,

So loud that they drown inside,

So piercing that they

pierce right through the heart,

All on the verge to burst out,

But she conceals it with a smile,

And a few words,

And they walk away,

Believing her,

Blinded to the sights within,

Deaf to the screams

that they can't hear.

Happy End.

Every happy ending

Begins with a distress

So here I am waiting

I'm having to confess

Take me with you far away

Where my smile will stay to last,

Take me home, take me where

Time doesn't move too fast.

Be that story I am waiting for

Be my happy end,

Set me free and take me where

I'll have that smile to lend.

Bleeding heart.

My heart, it tears,

And the blood is the ink

On the paper

I write on.

Smile with me.

Smile with me,

Come, let's be free,

It's a beautiful life outside.

Day 5 - A letter to your crush.

Dear You,

Please never change.

Love,

Me.