Prayer.

Fire burns with fire,

And the ashes disappear,

The crackling of the fire

But there's nothing left to hear.

I cry my tears in silence

Hoping it will die away

'Cause putting it out will mean

I will have to pay.

So I look up to the sky

And hold out my hand in prayer

Dear Lord, I need this courage,

you're the only one that cares.

Moments like these.

And sometimes

These rhymes

Can't explain

All this pain

And I just sit

Making words fit

Sometimes it's how

It's like now.

Emptiness.

Here comes that empty feeling

Floating through

The depth of the mind

And I'm hoping

It'll burst out

soon enough.

1. Got a camera.

2. Got a cell phone.

3. Experienced new emotions.

4. Studied hard.

5. Lost the camera.

6. Went for Umrah.

7. Started memorizing longer Surahs from the Quran.

8. Discovered I could write poetry.

9. Made an awesome, awesome friend over the internet who is now like a sister to me.

10. Saw my best friend go through so much.

11. Saw my grandmother pass away right before my eyes.

12. Took part in the student council elections, and was overwhelmed by the support of my friends.

13. Became a part of the student council and which meant responsibilities.

14. Lost some friends for good.

15. Experienced disappointments.

16. Got another camera.

17. Felt horrible.

18. Was blessed with my third niece & a cousin.

19. Had life changing moments.

20. Discovered tumblr!

Goodbye 2010, you had your ups and downs but I’m going to miss you. Here’s hoping for an awesome, awesome 2011, Inshallah.

Realizations.

I think

Somewhere along the way,

I think

That sometime, some day,

I think

Putting back those toys in place,

I think

Now facing what I face,

I think

Now writing down these words,

I think

How once grown ups seemed absurd,

I think

Back to when we could hug

I think

We all grew up.

Only SHEE would take these ^ pictures, post them on facebook, and tage Me & Him and then laugh and expect me to deal with it.

Bahahahahahahaha. I hate you. But I love you. -___-

Destined to shine.

And now you've fell like never before,

Now that tears knock at your door,

Now that smile holds back so much,

Stifling cries and sobs and such.

I feel your pain, even though you hide,

I feel what you do not describe,

The world is pulling you apart,

Damaging your once innocent heart.

The right and wrong, they've intertwined,

The truth has left you completely blind,

You're broken now, you're lost and sad,

You're breaking more than you ever have.

And then as I think, my tears form,

The same old thoughts, the same old songs,

Why have you done this to yourself?

Why did you deny all that help?

I hate you for not loving yourself

For loving the unattainable instead,

Do you remember all that talk?

That made all those tears drop.

I know you lost everything somewhere

And I cannot imagine what you've to bear

And more than that what makes me cry

You've lost yourself in those goodbyes

Unfinished words, and things unsaid

Do not compare to what is left.

I cannot help but help you up,

I know right now that life is tough.

Those mistakes can't be undone

They can't be forgotten, even shunned.

But what you can do, what I'm sure,

You can start over and do more

Show the world the you that shines

Light the world till they turn blind.

'Cause we can make it through, you know,

This world will end, it will not grow.

Forget the people and the world

They've hurled stones and wont stop to hurl.

Those hands that shoot up in prayer

They're worth more than what you've to bear.

So take my hand let's start anew,

Make all that's right for us come true,

I say us because I know,

Together we'll laugh, together we'll grow,

So whatever comes, rain or shine,

One thing's certain, I'm by your side

We've made mistakes but who's to say,

Tomorrow is not another day?

Let's live again, let's find our pride,

'Cause you my dear, are destined to shine.

So yeah.

I am so excited but I don't know what to expect and I know I shouldn't really expect incase I get disappointed but really I'm so excited and it's not even for me and it feels so weird being excited for someone else and I know we will only know for sure tomorrow but I can't help but get excited and I'm so excited and I don't know what to do with myself but I'm so excited so I'm going to wait for tomorrow really intently and it'll probably be really tense around tomorrow but this excitement oh my god I don't know and on the outside it's like poker face and in the inside explosions of excitement but oh my god I'll pray tonight it turns out okay and I'm so excited and I think I might have forgotten to mention I'm so excited and I'm so excited I'm even putting it on tumblr to show how excited I am and yeah.

GIDDYGIDDYGIDDYGIDDYGIDDYGIDDYGIDDYGIDDYGIDDYGIDDYGIDDYGIDDDDYYYYY

Happy Thirtieth Anniversary!

Dear Ammi & Baba,

Happy Thirtieth Anniversary. You two are the most amazing people I know, because you've stood so strong through all your 5 kids. I can say without a doubt, four of your kids are turning out to be absolute reflections of you, through the way they act and the way they speak and they way they charm and the way they make you proud. The fifth one right here is aspiring to be just like them, and just like you, and I'm hoping you will find me the same one day.

I can tell that through the years, Baba has changed for Ammi, and Ammi has changed for Baba. The compromise and the sacrifise, all the hard work and sweat, and all that's come your way, deserves to be applauded, and I shall applaud it today, tomorrow, and forever.

You've taught me the most valuable things in life, and I have a feeling, that when I grow up, I will know that all these scolding and beatings sometimes, were for the better. I'm sure, they will get me to where I hope to get.

I may not say it often, but I love you so much. More than anyone. I don't imagine what I'd do without you.

Love,
Me.

Too good to be true.

The words spoken & all the things said,

I'll take them with me to my bed,

I dare to dream, I dare to think,

My sanity is on the brink.

One moment the words seem true

Another they seem to have been brewed

I do not know how to believe

Wether to smile, or to grieve.

Confused thoughts, I do not know,

Is this a dream or another blow,

But slowly it's settling in my mind,

Even dreaming seems to be a crime.

I look ahead, I'll take a risk,

All that's pestering me is this,

The words, they came from out of the blue,

And for me, this is too good to be true.

The world is not your fantasy.

This gold and silver you possess,

It's nothing but a golden mess,

A mess thats tearing you apart,

Hard believing you have a heart.

Your eyes, they're closed to everything,

No care for friends, no care for kin,

Your life seems nothing but a lie,

And your conscience has now said goodbye.

Open up, why can't you see

The world is not your fantasy

All the same you're missing out,

Trying to fit into the crowd.

Infinite.

Composed smiles and brightened eyes,

As we listen to the haunted cries,

The night is young, the night is bright,

We'll cry till laughter fills our fights,

We'll make no sense but more than that,

We'll make more sense than we ever have,

Go where no one ever goes,

Along the way, make friends and foes,

Whatever comes, rain or shine,

Today I'm yours and you are mine,

Love and laugh with all our might,

Right now, my dear, we're infinite.

"Never Grow Up."

Your little hands wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming

So I tuck you in and turn on your favorite nightlight

To you, everything's funny

You got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have honey

If you could stay like that

Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you

Wont let no one break your heart

No one will desert you

Just try to never grow up

Never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies

And you're mortified your mama's dropping you off

At 14, there's just so much you can't do

And you can't wait to move out

Someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block

Remember she's getting older too

And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJs getting ready for school

Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

No one's ever burned

Nothing's ever left you scarred

Even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Memorize what is sounded like what your dad gets home

Remember the footsteps, remember the words said

And all your little brother's favorite songs

I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment

In a big city, they just dropped me off

It's so much colder than I thought it would be

So I tuck myself in and turn my nightlight on

Wish I'd never grown up

I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up

Wish I'd never grown up

Could still be little

Oh I don't wanna grow up

It could still be simple

Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple

Won't let nobody hurt you

Won't let no one break your heat

And even throuhg toyu want to, please try to never grow up

Don't you ever grow up

Just never grow up

No seriously, please don't ever grow up. :')

Turning paper into gold.

In the middle of the night

In the darkest of hours

Penning down to free my thoughts

That have been locked behind bars.

The thoughts grow and grow

Until they're too big for the mind

They grow wings, start to flutter,

But I catch them in good time.

Eyes feel tired and sleepy

But the soul lies wide awake

I turn to my heart, it's fragile

And it's about to break.

Silence grows louder each second

And the aura of fear of the night

Yet still I muster the courage to ream

Still waiting to see the light.

In solitude I spend these moments

Not lonely but all alone,

Thoughts fill the mind, some I don't want,

Some leave me shaking to my bones.

Lost in all that is mine,

And all that will never be,

All that makes up my life

And all that's breaking me.

Exploring all my confuse brain

This ever moving train of thoughts

It's moving forward, on & on

Never to be stopped.

These complicated thoughts of mine

They make my now & me

They cluster up and make myself

and all I'll ever be.

Taking infinite dimensions

My future is what they mould

I'm finding strangeness in my wonder

And turning paper into gold.

Picture Perfect.

The smiles, they're there,

And the sparkle in the eye,

No tears in sight, no sadness,

No trace of a goodbye.

I smooth it out and wonder,

If forever still exists,

'Cause in the picture you're eternal,

But in reality it's this:

No longer will we share these smiles,

All that's left are pieces,

These picture perfect memories &

I'm left smoothing out the creases.

A New Beginning.

Pages of history overturned,

The past is shredded, the past is burnt,

The pattern follows every day

Keeping those haunting memories at bay.

Old and rusty, the book is closed,

A new book opened, although forlorn,

They've decided to leave the past alone,

They've made a decision to move on.

It's a new day, the horizon is clear,

They know now what this means

The stones in the way are overlooked

They're smaller than the ones they've seen.

She walks into the room with a book in her hand. The three of us look up with wry smiles. She makes herself comfortable on the bed as we contemplate what is to come.

Without further delay, she beckons the three of us to gather around, and listen. That's all she said: to listen.

The sweet sound of the recitation of the Qura'an fills the room. My mind is alerted, the words seem familiar, ofcourse, and I have to admit, somewhat new to the ears. All the same I listen.

She asks the tall, dangly, long haired teenager struggling with her thoughts, to read the translation aloud. She did not know what was to come would change the course of every one of her thoughts and answer all her questions. Without knowing any of this, she reads aloud the translation.

"The likeness of those who take Auliyâ' (protectors and helpers) other than Allâh is as the likeness of a spider, who builds (for itself) a house, but verily, the frailest (weakest) of houses is the spider's house; if they but knew.

Verily, Allâh knows what things they invoke instead of Him. He is the All-Mighty, the All-Wise.

And these similitudes We put forward for mankind, but none will understand them except those who have knowledge (of Allâh and His Signs, etc.).

(Allâh says to His Prophet Muhammad ): "Allâh (Alone) created the heavens and the earth with truth (and none shared Him in their creation)." Verily! Therein is surely a sign for those who believe.

Recite (O Muhammad ) what has been revealed to you of the Book (the Qur'ân), and perform As-Salât (Iqamât­as­Salât). Verily, As-Salât (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahshâ'(i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse, etc.) and Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed, etc.) and the remembering (praising, etc.) of (you by) Allâh (in front of the angels) is greater indeed [than your remembering (praising, etc.) Allâh in prayers, etc.]. And Allâh knows what you do. "

The words like always seemed to have an instant effect in the room. The four of us in the room feel instantly silent and tried to take it in. The words, they always have that magical effect of captivation, the power to bear towards them the readers and the listeners.

She paused and smiled before she spoke. "Jazakillah," She said quietly.

She took a deep breath and then continued. "What did Allah ta'la say in these ayahs? He said that people who worship anyone but him, are similar to the weakest web of the spiders who cannot hold themselves, who cannot hold on, and webs that will eventually have to break. Their world consists of the same fragility. It can break, anytime, anywhere, because they do not believe in his supremeness.

Now, when we take a look at our friends, don't we want affection, love and attention from them? It's the same thing with Allah ta'la. He's your best friend. The best you can ever have. He'll be there when no one is. And He watches everything. Every single thing you do.

We're in a stage in life where we're discovering ourselves. We have these million emotions bursting inside us. We have these million attractions all around us. A million things pulling us towards them. What we've got to do is control ourselves.

We tend to forget why we're in this world, don't we? What we've got to remember is the only purpose we're here is to live for Allah. To do what he wants us to do. In the end, how can we achieve paradise? It won't be presented to us on a silver platter, now will it? We've got to struggle for it, control ourselves, do what will lead us to paradise. Because this world? It's nothing but a temporary home. Nothing else. Just what we'll sow in here, we'll get up there.

In the end we'll be accountable. The ones who'll do good will get good. The ones who'll do bad will get bad. It's all simply laid out by Allah. There's no easy way around. Just constant struggle.

Right now, the world is a mess. The good and bad are tangled together. What you have got to do is take the end of the string of Good and pull it out of the mess. The path you have to follow.

We feel odd right now, don't we? Other people talk about fashion, they talk about celebrities, they talk about the 'hot' stuff. But we should be feeling odd. Why? Because we hold this in our hands." She raises the Qura'an a little and smiles, as if dramatically.

She continues, "How many chat room sites are there? How many online stuff which can misguide you? How many sources of media which can tell you things you're not supposed to know?

The only solution? Is for you to fear Allah. Because you'll be accountable to Him in the end, and no one else. He knows what you hear, what you see, what you type, what you send. Everything.

The bottom line? Is for you to fear Allah. Protect yourselves. And know, that the most sincere people right now are your family. They love you like no one else, so know their worth. At this stage of life, I realize every scolding I got brought me here to where I am.

I stress this, protect yourself. Because the pleasure of wrong doings will only last some minutes, and then later all you'll do is regret. But the struggle of good deeds will last only a few moments and the pleasure is eternal.

And I think we all know what we should choose." She smiles. She closes the Qura'an and says, "Don't go with what everyone is doing. You're a Muslim. Islam has given you a purpose to live. What time you've got is precious. And this, right here, is the perfect book of instructions. And we've got no excuses do we? There's only one legit copy of the Qura'an everyone reads. No different instructions for anyone, every one has the same thing to follow.

So my dear sisters, take what you're supposed to get. Don't go astray, leave your past, present and future, to Allah ta'la. It's the only success that's eternal."

She signals me to put the Qura'an back in its place atop the shelves. As I leave the room to place it where it belongs, I realize the greatness of what I hold. The truth that will last forever.

OoOooOoOoO

Feels awesome to be considered a joke by the person you like.

OoOoOoOoO.

#Pointless rant ovaah.

Her World Stands Still.

She is smiling. She is laughing like the rest of the people around her. The clinking of glasses, the joy in the voices, it all seems right. For once, it is all right. Alright. When was the last time it was? She shakes her head smiling to herself. She sighs and rests her back on the couch, closing her eyes for a moment.

She opens her eyes - for a moment she cannot comprehend. Then as the reality starts settling in, a tingling sensation runs down her back, and she finds her mouth agape. She feels the colour drain from her face and she feels her eyes start to well. The laughter and the words spoken, the merriment around her, the celebrations - in a matter of moments, they dissolve into nothingness. For a moment her world stands still. The words are consumed, sucked up by the air, and her ears turn deaf to every sound. For what her eyes see is to much to bear. She senses the blood rushing to her ears and a sharp pain that now consumes her head, seeming to make every effort to tear it into shreds.

As for her heart? She cannot explain. All she knows is she feels a hole in it, like on the seams its been tore apart. Like its empty now. Like its numb. Like it will never feel anything again.

My Land of Dreams.

This spark that ignites

This light you see in my eye

This sparkle and this shine

And all these thoughts of mine.

Because I've faith and hope,

To lands of dreams I elope,

It's my refuge I have shaped

I fly, my thoughts - my cape.

That little encouragement.

"Your decision of taking Math later on is absolutely right. In 17 years of teaching, I haven't seen a child move across as fast through these sums as you have. Trigonometry is hard at first, and students get confused. I don't see that with you, though. I think you'll do well."

(Okay yeah I never told him I was going to take Math later on, but I did tell him I'd take Pre-Engineering in Intermediate college level, so I guess that includes Math.)

That little encouragement from the tutor today just might change the course of my career. I know all the silly mistakes in Math I make are just silly mistakes I can correct. That little encouragement will make me work harder, I know it. That little encouragement will help me forever.

That little encouragement will go a long, long way.

And I know, Monday onward, I'll actually look forward to the Math tuition.

Just that little encouragement.

HO HO HO. So that trip to mount everest lasted 5 minutes. ^________^ And then I came rolling down right from the top into the so very unwelcoming arms of the pits of reality.

LULZ.

YOU KNOW THE MOOD WHEN YOU'RE SO SAD YOU BECOME HIGH AND THEN UN HIGH YOURSELF BUT THE HIGHNESS STILL HAS ITS EFFECTS? NO? ....Okay.

Well you know what

Life is awesome

Because you're

not in it

ANYMORE.

BOOYA.

^^ OH YES MOST EPIC POEM EVEEER. LIKE IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE AND IS PERFECTLY ELIGIBLE TO QUALIFY AS POETRY. GEEZ.

I'M LIKE, HIGHER THAN MOUNT EVEREST RIGHT NOW. LIKE,....I THINK I'M GONNA BLAME THE BABY THAT'S SLEEPING SERENELY BESIDE ME RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE.

Dear smile,
Dear laughter,
Dear gleam in the eye,
Dear spontaneous wit,
Dear liveliness,
Dear Me...
Please come back.
I miss you.

The One Time.

Those brimming eyes

That welled up once

That one time

Just this one time.

The one time

The realization finally dawned

Something was wrong,

So very wrong.

The one time you asked me

If I was okay

And the one time I looked at you

And broke down.

The one time I told you

How I felt

And the one time you

were amazed.

The one time you were a friend

The one time you

returned what I

Gave.

The one time the truth

came out

And the one time

You actually cared.

Cared...

The one time

Someone actually

Did.

The one time someone

Saw my tears

Before they

fell.

The one time

I felt I had

myself

A Friend.

The one time.

The only time.

It may have been once

But it was one time.

I'm slowly coming

To believe

that this is

reality.

I'm coming to believe

that this will

I know

Remain a...One time.

Set Me Free.

Cut these chains

And let me be.

Take my hand

And set me Free.

See my scars

These tears agree

So I'm begging you

Please set me Free.

Destroy these lies

And these Maybes

My life depends

So set me Free.

Fragile now

Confused & weak

I don't need to break

Please set me free.

From this life

This idiocy

I'm pleading now,

Set...Me..Free.

The Ghost Of Her Smile.

Where now the hands clasp
Where tears reflect vile
Where now the tears run down
Is the ghost of her smile.

The Light Is Gone.

Her footsteps start slowing down, her breathing is heavy. No sound, no human, no nothing. She is just standing here, amidst the grass that has grown so long it reaches her knees. Looking around she sees nothing. She starts moving again, but to where, she does not know. Under the great big sky, the moon shines down upon her, it is her only light. She looks up, squinting her eyes, she sees the sky lightened with what seemed thousands of stars, each twinkling brightly, dignified.

"So unlike my life," She whispers softly. "So unlike." And before she knows it, her face contracts, her chest tightens, a lump raises in her throat and she starts to whimper, trying to hold back the tears. She realizes then, there is no one but herself, to see her tears. No one she has to hide it from. So one by one she lets the tears roll down her cheek. This feeling has become a stranger to her, the feeling of relief. She felt like nothing mattered, and that her fears, her worries, dropped with her tears. That feeling between crying and not crying, where she felt nothing. Nothing at all. Just staring at the horizon, standing there, not holding back as she had done all these years.

A howl from the distance brings her back to reality. She is almost startled. Then the reality hits her again.

She must go on. She does not know where to, but she must. Rubbing her nose, wiping her tears, she takes a deep breath. She starts moving again. She does not know. She does not know anything.

She stops again. Where will this take her? What was the purpose of this? Why was this happening? What was the point?

She feels hopelessness set across her face. She clasps the roots of her hair in desperation. What now?

And then, the clouds, they start burying the moon deep beneath them.

The hysteria building up inside her is almost too much.

"No..." She cries softly.

You forgot.

Thankyou for forgetting me

After all we had.

There were moments

I recall when I thought

we would be the same

and never change.

But I don't think

I exist in your world

any longer.

And the worst part is

The pain is all mine,

Not for you to share.

Because you....

forgot.

Me.

I may not have the best clothes.

Or the best looks.

I may be the most dorkiest person

That ever existed

I may make all the silliest mistakes

Along the way

And I may not have the best of everything.

I may not be the perfect daughter.

Or the most amazing friend.

Or simply perfection.

But at the end of the day

I just want you to understand me.

I promise I'm just normal

Just not in the normal way.

There are depths in me

That if you ventured into,

I promise I could prove

Myself to you.

I promise that.

All I want is for you to understand,

That there's a whole different

side to me

that I'm hoping you'll discover.

Please understand me.

I beg you to be different.

Because.

This is me.

Who I Am.

I sometimes try to hold it in

I sometimes try to hold it back

I sometimes have to think too much

I sometimes have to change my track.

What you see of me in your life

Is nothing but a lie.

'Cause you don't know what things

Lie so deep of me inside.

I build my cocoon with all my joys

I fall asleep to fears

Then why try so hard to break my guard,

To force my cries and tears?

This is who I am, and I can't change,

But I'll vow I'll do what I can

My only wish, is for you to accept

Me for who I am.

Just Lying There.

Just lying there

On a cold winter's night

Feeling the breeze

Rush past my ears

And slowly swiveling

Under the covers

The warmth and the cold

They entwine

As I think about

Everything that has been

On my mind

Everything that has left me

What I am

Just lying there

On a cold winter's night.

Test

ARGH, BLOGGER, Y U NO SAVE MY UPDATESSS? :(

I see it everywhere: people moving on. People who were once inseparable, now never to have that same bond again. People adapt, people meet new people, and people forget. People change.

Change. Is that what I'm scared of? I know it is bound to happen someday. I'm not ready for this. 7 years, I've shared something with these people and after a few months I may never see some of them again. I know it will start all over again. I don't even know if I can make new friends.

Someone told me college is where it really begins. That protective roof of shelter of school is chopped off from your head, and your out on your own. You meet people of all kinds and you have to make choices. I know the people I'll meet there won't be as devoted to religon as they are here. I know I will stand out with my hijab. I'm ready to that, but I don't know if I'll be able to handle the pressure.

I'm so scared of growing up. But it has to happen. The fact that the farewell happens on 24th January just makes it more scary. I know everybody grows up in the end, and you have to leave behind things you love. Maybe I'm just having difficulty accepting it.

I love these people. They love me for who I am. They love me for what I've been. I know once we part, everybody will forget, but I don't want to lose these friends. And the fact that I might move out from this country is kind of just terrible.

I'm scared.

Crayons.

The red one cried, it spoke with tears,

Such perfect hearts they make,

Don't they see, that the hearts they draw

Will one day have to break.

The blue one sighed, it hugged the red,

This leaves me in such a daze,

That those water drops they draw with me,

Will one day be running down their face.

The black one spoke, it seldom did,

They draw hair with me, they draw curls,

What they don't know, what they can't know,

Is one day I'll fill their world.

The white one turned his back to them,

It spoke quietly

They don't use me much, but I know,

One day they'll feel like me.

SPAZZ-APALOOZA

I AM GOING TO DO SO MANY THINGS AFTER EXAMS. SO. MANY. THINGS.

TWENTY DAY WINTER BREAK ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HOMG.

AND FOURTY FOUR NOTES ON THE PHOTO I POSTED, THANK THE LORD.

AND FAREWELL 24TH JAN? WHY ARE YOU BEING THIS NICE TO ME, MY DEAR SCHOOL?

AND YES I'M FREAKING WEIRD THANKS VERY MUCH. =D

Friends.

Something has come over you

And in between us.

I feel something

I've never felt before.

And I can't believe

That it took you & me

so many years

To finally realize

We're Friends.

I'm not sure

Where this is going

All I know is

I like it.

Maybe I'm foolish

Or maybe I'm young

Taking it in

Slowly.

I'll make mistakes

I'll trip and fall

But I'll wait for someone

To pick me back up.

Someone to stab me

In the front

And not in the

Back.

Let it be

Let it go

Let fate decide

But please let it be you.

I'm not sure

Where this is going

All I know is

I like it.

a3+b3 = (a+b) (a2-ab+b2)

a3-b3 = (a-b) (a2+ab+b2)

(a+b)3 = a3+b3+3ab(a+b)

(a-b)3 = a3-b3-3ab(a-b)

(a+b+c) (a2+b2+c2-ab-bc-ac) = a3+b3+c3-3abc

Phew kay. needed to make sure I remember that. Hope it stays there till morning. And those are just the cube deduction formulas. -_-

Grown ups are so cruel. I mean, she's a freaking three year old. So what if she gets attached to me more than you? Does that mean you're going to make every effort in not letting her get close to me? Does that mean you're going to stop her for making me smile? Its so stupid. I'm not even an adult and she's just three, she doesn't know its awkward to not talk to anyone because she wants to be here rather than there. You're seriously trying those house politics on a three year old? REALLY?

Okay. Rant over.

Once, I was drowning in my fears

and the twinkle in my eye disappeared

and I had no way to look on

my horizon seemed to have gone

and my whole life, seemed empty and bleak

each day and night, the answers I seek

But when, the darkness seemed so strong

and I couldn't go on

to the sky I raised my hands

making right what was so wrong

I found the strength to carry on

up to heaven where I belong

In life, there are lessons to be learned

with steadfastness, paradise Is earned

and if, all hope seems to be gone

just hold on till after the storm

and if you ask, what purpose have I

why am I here, and why do I cry?

And when, the darkness seems so strong

and you just cant go on

pray for your helping hand

you'll see the sun will rise again

you'll find the strength to carry on

up to heaven where you belong

Cos life is but a journey for us all

we cry, we laugh, we run sometimes we fall

but through it all, always recall

God never gives, a burden too tall

"I was telling R, and she was like really, you can never get a friend like her. And that's the truth. I can't ever get a friend like you. No one can, really. I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

Jusssst...needed to store this somewhere. It will be etched in my mind forever, but still, I need to be sure. This is just...I can't even explain how much I want us to be us forever. I can never ever hate you. Quite the opposite, actually. :)

Words have never meant more to me before. Never before. I don't even know what I've done. But thankyou, all the same. You don't know how much this means to me. These words will fuel me someday, and someday I'll be thankful that they meant that much to me.

I know I just laughed in the moment, but reflecting back, its just joy. We may have had ups & downs, but you know what? I know I'll always care. You know you will too.

Towns apart, or oceans, I promise I'll always be your friend. Always. Its funny, I hesitate whenever I use the words 'love you' for anyone, because I know I need to mean them to say them. But this time, I do mean them. And I will forever.

Friends Forever.

Sketchingg.

Haven't done that in a while.

Adding to the list of the amazing things I'm going to do....

AFTER THESE FREAKING EXAMS LEAVE ME ALONE.

Pheww. Kay, I'm done now.

Sometimes I want to run away.

Sometimes I want to run away

And take back all the words I say

To rewind the past and have my way

Bring back the moments and all those days

Push back the tears and this dismay

Sometimes I want to run away.

Hate me.

Please hate me
It makes so much sense that way
Please save me from torture
That haunts me every day.

Wondering.

Sometimes I wonder
If the person I miss
If the person I think about
All the time
Is either who you are?
Or who you were?
Or who I want you to be?

Sometimes I wonder
If this distance
Will keep growing
Until we're to far
To help it.
To help anything.
To never be the same.

Sometimes I wonder
If this change
Was meant to be
If you were just another person
If you were never mine.
If all we had was better left alone.
Never to look back.

Sometimes I wonder
If this person I've become
Is what you left of me
Or what you left with.
If this part will forever feel missing.
If you've taken permanent residence
In a corner of my mind.

Sometimes I wonder
If you hold on to me like I do to you
If I mean something to you
Like you do to me.
If you think about me once a while.
Probably far from reality,
But I wonder.

Letting go.

Holding on is hurting

Yet I can’t let go.

This pain is breaking me.

And still, I let it flow.

They have houses but do they have homes?

Zooming past with mocking smiles

Living fantasies, living lies

Gold & silver clasped to their bones

They have houses, but do they have homes?

Live for themselves, lost on their own

Thousands to spend on, yet all alone

That infinite fortune can’t stop their groans

They have houses, but do they have homes?

Passing away the days that come by

In greed, in fear, only stopping to cry

Smiles are empty, even solitude is alone,

They have houses but do they have homes?

No - the yes.

You want, but do you need?
You kill, but is there blood?
You have sight, but is there vision?
You smile, but are you happy?
You say, but do you mean?
You hate, but is there reason?
You get your way, but do you achieve?
You fall, but do you learn?
You walk, but is there aim?
You talk, but do you act?
You scream, but do you hear?
You dominate, but are you fearless?
You believe, but is that the truth?
You promise, but do you fulfill?
You hear, but do you listen?

You exist but do you live?
Isn't No the yes to this?

The silence is deafening.

No words, no sounds

Stillness surrounds.

Every breath inhaled

Turning stale.

The silent screams

The reality in dreams

Oh, pray to the heavens,

Silence defeans.

So I decide

to close my eyes

and see the world

in a different light.