It's all a bit of a blur of memories in my mind.
"Free..is all you gotta be. Dream dreams no one else can see. Sometimes, you wanna run away, but you never know what might be coming round your way - yeah, yeah, yeah." A surge of warmth fills me when that echoes through the plane.
**
I wake up sleepily at around 4am for our first Sehri. The familiar uplifting atmosphere comes immediately into effect. The urge to smile more often, to be kind, to forgive, to pray, to worship. I can feel it rising within me. Free from Shaiytaan for a whole month.
**
A drawling voice on the plane announces that it's 47 * C outside. I exchange looks with my Ammi but there is a strange sense of adventure knowing that I will not be able to keep my feet on the boiling ground for more than two seconds at a time.
**
The driver points out Mount Ohd on the way. Just thinking about what took place here sends chills down my back. We reach the hotel and the huge banner at the front door reads, "Ramadan Kareem." I smile. I walk in. Instant relief as the A/C cools us down. My thoughts wander to when the hijrat took place, in this very heat, on these very grounds. They didn't have A/Cs back then, now did they. How strong their faith must had been, only Allah knows.
**
I draw the curtains from the window. I am immediately taken aback. I did not realize I could see the Harum (Masjid un Nabwi) from here. Hundreds, thousands of tiny black & white dots making their way towards the magnificent golden doors. It is all so profusely breathtaking. I can hardly wait to join the multitude and take my place in one of the thousands and thousands
of rows in prostration.
**
Comfortably asleep on the sofa. The first Adhan ( the tahajjud Adhan) echoes through the streets of Medina. As Salatu Khair um Min an Noum. Prayer is better than sleep. I wake up with a start and see the food ready for Sehri. Alhumdulilah. Afterwards, we reach the masjid once again. We do not manage to find a place inside the masjid, like usual; it is absolutely jam packed. And then the Iqamat resounds throughout the place, and everybody starts to stand up. It reminds me of children scrambling to get to their feet on the call of a mother. And then my favourite part of prayer; when the whole masjid echoes Ameen and I imagine the ground shaking with such perfect harmony.
**
We set out for our first iftaar in Medina. We finally get a place inside the masjid and that too because we'd set out two hours earlier. We'd walked in with absolutely nothing. A beautiful, black girl in hijab pulled us away with a smile and made us sit down beside the laid out
dastarkhwan , delicately set with bread, yoghurt, juice and dates for iftaar. I feel something so much more than gratitude as I look around and everyone seems to be doing the same thing. Nobody is concerned about themselves, they are only concerned about giving and giving as much as they can. It is overwhelming to say the least, to see this throng of complete strangers treating each other like brothers & sisters like the brothers & sisters we truly are. We walk out with a full stomach.
**
After Isha'a and Taraweeh, we go home tired but grateful and I collapse on the sofa. I roll over and think about how amazing this life is. Scrambling to get up and get going to the masjid five times a day, seeing the Quran being read every hour of the day, seeing people come together on the basis of their faith & what I find most beautiful is I prayed and ate iftaar with Somalis, Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Malaysians, Fillipinos, Japanese, Americans, Britishers, Chinese, Afghani - literally people from all over the world harmonizing over the fact that our God is one.
**
Hassan bhai leads the way to the ground of Ohd, where the battle of Ohd was fought. And you can just feel that looming sense of tension that grips the air, the sense of battle, the air whispering the sounds of war. It is incredible.
**
The drive to Mecca is a long one. We're now in our Ihrams and we have to abide by it's conditions. It is iftaar time soon, but we have no food in the car. All of a sudden, packets of food are flying in from the window and five minutes later we have more than we can eat. Dates, cake, water, juice, rolls, etc etc. Alhumdulilah. The generosity of these people is more than overwhelming.
**
I see the Ka'bah. I see it. I see it. And there are no words powerful enough to describe what I felt in that moment.
Rabbana Atina Fid Dunya, wa hasanataon wafil Akhirati wa hasanton waqina azab an nar. O Lord, grant me the good of the world & of the Akhirah and protect me from the torment of the hell fire.
**
The last round of the Tawaf. I am still in awe. I am still enchanted by this place far too much to think straight. And there are thousands of people doing the same thing as me, just worshiping like dutiful slaves that we are of Allah SWT.
**
I can feel my feet starting to ache as we make our way from Safaa to Marwah one last time. Ammi smiles at me from afar, she has already done her Sae'ee in a wheelchair. I find strange comfort in the ache that is taking over my body. Ya Allah, reward me for this.
**
There is absolutely no way we can find our way into the masjid. Baba says there have to be about 10 to 20 lac people here. God knows how they all fit in here. I watch from my window, I can barely see space to walk. From up here, it is like millions of ants trying to make there way out of nowhere. Atlast we reach the basement of the Harum, and we finally find place to sit there. People nod and smile at me from afar and I return the favour.
**
Ammi is tired and she feel suffocated so she wants to go back agter 8 rakats of taraweeh. We are about to stand up to leave when we hear Sudais' voice filling the masjid. Ammi immediately sits back down. Nobody would want to miss this. Oh the enchanment of the prayer that Sudais leads. The enchanment of Mecca altogether.
**
Fajar, Zuhr, Maghrib, Isha'a, Quran, dikhr, iftaar, sehri. And Baskin Robins. That is ALL there is to the day. And what wonderful, wonderful days they are. I wish they'd last for ever.
**
Last day in Mecca. I cannot even take in the fact, so I just let it go. It hits when we are back in Jeddah and I realize I don't have to hurry to get ready for Maghrib anymore. The airport is expensive so Baba gets us dates & water for iftaar. We feel hungry. A few moments later, we're sharing our iftaar with everyone. I wish the spirit of Ramadan never goes away.
**
A familiar, humid breeze whips my face as I head out of the brown doors. Sarah & Marium are already there, waiting for us. I only just realize how much I missed them. We make our way home and there it is. Same as ever. The thing is, I am not the same. I've seen what life is removed of all the distractions and all that misleads me. Life with a purpose. Life as it should be. And the thing is, I hope to hold on to all of it.
