Loving You.

I make my world with your smiles,
But do you know what its like,
To see what you cannot have,
Feel love & hate coincide.

To dream away the endless days,
To watch from afar,
To think and smile and smile and think,
Slowly go bizzare.

You're not aware of my love,
And yet I can't let go,
Why do I still make efforts?
Why do I still have hope?

And even though I'm struggling,
To begin again & start anew,
You still fill all my thoughts &
I hate myself for loving you.

Words From Death.

Stay put, stay here,
Be out of all the fear,
Don't run away my dear.

The day will end too soon,
You have reached your doom,
Your last waiting room.

Give in to your fate,
No time to now hate,
This you, you have shaped.

Pray now, you'll be gone,
Won't see another dawn,
Forget what you've forgone.

Time to say goodbye,
Tell them, don't be shy,
They will be sure to cry.

Last words, speak them now,
The show will end anyhow,
So its time to take bow.

Waiting with my knives,
That will end your life,
For once, you cannot bribe.

But I won't tell when I strike,
You have played with lives,
Its time you pray a price.

An end to your crimes,
Your life is now mine,
You won't steal another dime.

For now you laugh with joy,
With people's lives you toy,
But I am a little coy.

So I shall creep meanwhile,
Make your moments worthwhile,
I will launch like a missile.

And when I take you away,
You won't ever stay.
You will have to pay.

Havoc.

Frantic footsteps, running fast,
Seen it all before,
Face to face with death,
knocking at your door.

One moment there is laughter,
The other filled with doom,
The hinges of hope start to losen,
This land won't ever bloom.

And even though they're hiding,
They wreck this home of mine,
Nothing left but to hear,
The tears, the screams, the cries.

Ramblings of the mind, Heartening of the heart.

Shadowy glances, hanging heads, anticipating doom,

In every nook and corner, those tales of misery loom.

Some try to keep the faith, but everything falls apart,

These shaken sobs are the sounds of a breaking heart.

The roads are so twisted and theres a long way ahead,

Heavy hearts, heavy eyes, every breath inhaled with dread.

Some look for possibilities, believing in keeping hope,

Some wish to avoid the reality, some wish to just elope.

The reality is here, and now there's no running away,

Its real, and its getting more real by the day.

Lift up those heads, or hang them in hopelessness,

Its just a matter of how this sadness is expressed.

Constantly reminded of how it should have been,

'Could's and 'should's and 'would's are sprouting from within.

So I may have stumbled & fell, I may have stood my ground,

But the stumbling and the falls just keep coming around.

If there's a chance, any chance, then won't you tell me now,

That there will be an end to this, that it will work somehow.

That there's a key to opening this cage that has me suffocated

That there's an answer to these problems that have me aggravated.

Will the Sun ever rise again in this darkened land?

That once knew all sunshine, where everything was grand.

Once, the only tears that dropped were when happiness was too much

And now they drop just because the smiles do not budge.

Barren now, no one to cultivate those blissful moments of peace.

But peace turned into pieces, and the ghost of gloom was leashed.

Go away, I don't want you here, haunting my existence,

You haunt me with pride, rountinely with persistence.

I cannot see what is blinding me, because I'm losing hope,

I cannot see the power that will help me climb this slope.

Something is not right because I see those smiles shrink.

So I ponder about a different side, I now start to think.

This tale is just a story of another house in a city,

In just another country, that no one would care to pity.

Just one tale of misery, of thousands that are there,

In your mind, pestering the world, they are everywhere.

Not me alone, its not just me having to face my fears.

Misery haunts the world of people far and near.

And then I think about how its no reason to not smile,

Fear and sadness won't make my life one bit worthwhile.

Then something whispers to me gently in my ear,

The words start to make sense as I begin to hear.

Its like my heart speaking gently to my mind,

Slowly releasing the toxic feelings that had been confined.

My heart whispers: Get up, get going, because you're better than the worse,

You're not alone, you hold your hands with the entire universe.

They all think they go through the worse life can get,

But there are people who would die for these kind of upsets.

So even though I'm breaking down, even though I'm lost

Even though life is complicated, and some things cost,

I'll make a choice to be thankful through all thick and thin,

Not think about how it is and how it should have been.

And even though the walls of this house are falling down,

I won't let them fall, and I will stay my ground.

And even though some hearts are breaking beyond repair,

There's someone waiting to fix them up - someone, somewhere.

I cannot change now what is done, it was what fate had brought,

And even bigger than my problems, is my ever lasting God.

There are going to be last dusks, there will be last dawns

But time won't stop ticking and life will go on.

All I can Do.

I want to walk back

Into the fields of dreams

Where I was who I am,

And who I could've been.

I want to start from scratch,

Do it all over again,

Make up for the errors,

And all the pain.

I want to gain

What is now lost,

I want to fix

the things that cost.

Relive it again

Bring moments back.

Right the wrongs

And right my track.

I want to escape

Into the past

Hold on to the times

That went so fast.

But whats done, is done

I cannot change

What has now gone

Won't be again.

Time won't stop

For me or you

Live & learn

Is all I can do.

If my life were a drama.

If my life were a drama,

You'd find yourself

Watching somewhat

of a thriller.

You'd find yourself

grasped in the emotion,

in the suspense

and the fear.

You'd find yourself

Facing your worst

fears and the

worst lies.

You'd find yourself

with some smiles

that cannot be

wiped away.

You'd find yourself

with a box of tissues,

Ready to cry, sometimes with

sadness, sometimes with joy.

And at the end of it,

I hope you'd see a story

of success.

If my life were a drama.

Open Truth.

Its there for you to see,

Right before your eyes,

But you're blinded by emotion,

Blinded by those lies.

Deep down in your heart,

I know you know its true,

That the lies that you believe,

Won't make the real you.

Let go, and think beyond,

Why can't you simply see,

This cannot be what is right,

It will never be.

Does this make sense to you?

Did you care to look?

Look for something greater,

Look for the Open Truth.

Speechless.

I wait for the words to come,

But just this once, they don't.

I see the paper getting wet,

& I know that they won't.

The knife dragging across the heart,

Is too difficult to describe,

The smile that once danced across,

Is too difficult to revive.

I search for words, to comfort me

But I do not succeed.

I can't explain the scars & marks,

And how they still bleed.

Call me confused, but I cannot,

Find the words to say right now,

I cannot tell these tales of mine,

I can't imagine how.

For now only this face of mine,

Will tell my stories I leave untold,

And as I go on, as I move forward,

Maybe they'll unfold.

Right now though, its different,

Right now I'm a mess.

Right now these happenings,

Have left me speechless.

It all flashes before my eyes.

And every time they mention it,

It all flashes before my eyes.

The cries, the haunted cries,

They came from afar.

I ran,

I ran fast.

With every step,

The cries grew louder.

Confusion,

turning into panic,

And panic into hysteria.

And by the time I reached,

The voice didn't answer

Our cries, our questions.

I panicked.

We panicked.

But to no avail.

Confused.

What was happening?

I couldn't understand.

I only cried.

Then a thumb twitched.

It settled in.

Like something spiraling

from the sky,

that hit my head hard.

The reality it.

Cries grew even more

Hysterical.

And then I saw,

What I will not forget.

The last breath.

The soul, the life,

being sucked out.

That scraping sound.

Like someone

Was tearing

soul & body

apart.

That open mouth,

eyes looking up

at something

I could not see,

But I knew full well.

I looked up too,

I knew the presence

of that someone.

I was terrified.

That someone was present.

In the room.

I felt the colour

drain from my face.

Terrified.

Around me the cries

Grew louder.

I called for help.

But no one could

do anything.

And then just standing by,

still trying to

comprehend

That the eighties,

had gone in seconds.

They closed the eyes.

They straightened the feet.

And they prayed.

It was all that they

Could do.

They stood by her bed side.

I stood by her bed side.

Praying. Just praying.

Muttering verses.

Crying.

All of them were crying.

Maybe they had hope?

They wanted to check.

But no doctor could

bring her back.

His stethoscope didn't

echo back those beats

That had been drumming on,

For so many years.

And now they were gone.

Forever.

One by one her loved ones came.

Only to see a body

lying still. Lifeless.

They cried.

Some held her hand.

Begging her to speak.

But speak, she did not.

She only lay.

She lay still.

At peace.

And when the Sun rose

again, she was wrapped in white.

A smell filled her room

that gave me goosebumps.

That sweet, faint smell.

Her last perfume.

The people still came.

It hit hard for some.

The last time they saw her,

she was talking,

breathing, smiling.

But now she just lied still.

Never to laugh,

or breathe, or smile again.

And then it was time to go.

She was taken.

On her last charpai.

People gathering,

trying to get that last

glimpse.

The tears did not come.

It was just shock.

Shock that she would

never live in this house

again.

The tears came later.

When it was done.

Buried.

Nothing I could do.

So I prayed.

I cried, but I prayed.

Now, there are just memories.

Her medicines, her clothes.

Her walker, her shoes,

Her things.

Things she will never use again.

Once she lived.

She truly lived, keeping

this household together.

But only memories are left now.

Moments that have passed.

She will never call upon me again.

She will never hold my hand again.

She will never smile at me again.

Never again.

It took a minute for her to go.

An hour to get ready for her final

destination.

A day to go to her final resting place.

Just a matter of minutes, hours, days.

Thats all it took for it to end.

The end.

And ever time they mention it,

It all flashes before my eyes.

"Its alright."

The world is crashing down,

Falling hard to the ground,

Yet that face will never show,

Any sign of sorrow.

Whispering with a smile,

"Its alright."

When its hardest to live,

She says: somethings gotta give,

I'm sure my life is not in vain,

There must be reason for this pain.

Whispering with a smile,

"Its alright."

She says she is luckier than many,

Like those who live for pennies,

She says God has granted her enough,

So what if life is tough.

Whispering with a smile,

"Its alright."

She says what is, will be,

Holding your own is the key,

She says I don't care if I fall,

God won't give a burden too tall.

Whispering with a smile,

"Its alright."