Dear You,
This is a good time in my life. I am so thankful for that, you wouldn't believe. This is my favourite part of the day because there is the six'o'clock sunset I can see every day through my window and if I crane my neck I can see the Sun dip slowly. My best friend is asleep beside me and I can only hear things like my fingers striking the keys - I wish this was a type-writer - and the crows squawking for the last time in the day before they come back tomorrow. It's a good time because every thing feels exactly as it should. Sunday chores, a laugh with my best friend, hitting her for no reason at all, my sister going about her day like usual and talking about things like silence over lunch but sometimes I go overboard and I am told to shut up but that makes me laugh. "I love winter because it's so..." My sister and I finished that sentence with "silent" at the same time.
But I know things won't stay like this forever and I am wondering how that could be. It makes me want to collect everything that is happening around me and it makes we want to write about how my favourite part of a drive around Karachi is the highest point on the KPT bridge and I can just look down on so many neon head-lights from hundreds of car rushing forward to some place they can call their home and that makes me feel better about everything somehow. It makes me nervous that things change and it makes me nervous that time will grow with me and it will cause an uproot of all these times I have now. Everything's going to change soon.
I'm finishing high-school soon and I want to do so many things and it feels like being a part of Oxford street again because everyone's rushing past so quickly and I'm still staring at the billboards and the signs trying to direct myself. I think it's the same courage that I wanted to have when in tenth grade the class was playing a game of charades at the back of the classroom and I wanted to join them. But I didn't. I think it's the same courage I wanted to have when my friends had to leave for something and I wanted to talk to someone else. But I couldn't. But I stayed around and I promise you that I am learning. I am learning that fear is the biggest burden but courage will help me carry it if I am brave enough. Sometimes I feel so brave in my silence like I am ready to take on the world. I want to feel and I want to feel everything from heartbreak to nostalgia and I am going to, just like you. And when I feel it, I'll feel it wide and I'll feel it good and write to you about it. I look forward to that. I always will.
But for roughly four to six months, I think things will be okay. Like one last turn on the merry-go-round before we have to step off. I'm going to enjoy it, okay? I feel sad about things sometimes but I am fine. And it makes me smile when I say that. I'm doing fine. Thank God.
I was reading up on J.K. Rowling and she said, "And rock-bottom was the solid foundation that I built my life upon." I hope you keep going no matter what it is. It's important to be alive.
Love,
Me.
This is a good time in my life. I am so thankful for that, you wouldn't believe. This is my favourite part of the day because there is the six'o'clock sunset I can see every day through my window and if I crane my neck I can see the Sun dip slowly. My best friend is asleep beside me and I can only hear things like my fingers striking the keys - I wish this was a type-writer - and the crows squawking for the last time in the day before they come back tomorrow. It's a good time because every thing feels exactly as it should. Sunday chores, a laugh with my best friend, hitting her for no reason at all, my sister going about her day like usual and talking about things like silence over lunch but sometimes I go overboard and I am told to shut up but that makes me laugh. "I love winter because it's so..." My sister and I finished that sentence with "silent" at the same time.
But I know things won't stay like this forever and I am wondering how that could be. It makes me want to collect everything that is happening around me and it makes we want to write about how my favourite part of a drive around Karachi is the highest point on the KPT bridge and I can just look down on so many neon head-lights from hundreds of car rushing forward to some place they can call their home and that makes me feel better about everything somehow. It makes me nervous that things change and it makes me nervous that time will grow with me and it will cause an uproot of all these times I have now. Everything's going to change soon.
I'm finishing high-school soon and I want to do so many things and it feels like being a part of Oxford street again because everyone's rushing past so quickly and I'm still staring at the billboards and the signs trying to direct myself. I think it's the same courage that I wanted to have when in tenth grade the class was playing a game of charades at the back of the classroom and I wanted to join them. But I didn't. I think it's the same courage I wanted to have when my friends had to leave for something and I wanted to talk to someone else. But I couldn't. But I stayed around and I promise you that I am learning. I am learning that fear is the biggest burden but courage will help me carry it if I am brave enough. Sometimes I feel so brave in my silence like I am ready to take on the world. I want to feel and I want to feel everything from heartbreak to nostalgia and I am going to, just like you. And when I feel it, I'll feel it wide and I'll feel it good and write to you about it. I look forward to that. I always will.
But for roughly four to six months, I think things will be okay. Like one last turn on the merry-go-round before we have to step off. I'm going to enjoy it, okay? I feel sad about things sometimes but I am fine. And it makes me smile when I say that. I'm doing fine. Thank God.
I was reading up on J.K. Rowling and she said, "And rock-bottom was the solid foundation that I built my life upon." I hope you keep going no matter what it is. It's important to be alive.
Love,
Me.
1 comment:
Sometimes I wish that all the houses in the city would lose their upper floors and from every window, the horizon would be clearly visible.
It's a great feeling to be in a vast, open space with nothing around. Loved this post! Keep writing. Your words keep some of us alive.
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