Dear You,
I am not afraid to tell you that I have been afraid. It has been strange, but I only know how to bear the strangeness and wish it away through prayer. I only know how to sit up wide awake and wait for Fajar, and feel for a few tiny seconds the Medina air kissing the walls of my room awake. I only know how to feel the relief of seeing the morning winds dust off last night's fear.
I will tell you this: I do not believe in fairy-tales, I do not believe in happy endings, I do not believe in perfection and I do not believe in a perfect life, I do not believe in happiness that ache is not a part of. But I believe in loving regardless, loving despite; I believe in forgiveness, and loving again and again and again with the broken pieces dearer each time. I believe in miracles, I believe in breaking down. I believe in being beautifully flawed. I believe in forgetting the burdens of the Present upon looking at the blue of the sky and wondering about the things and people still to come and that it could never be easy, it could never be perfect, but what I feed from is the infinity of the universe, the infinity of my own being and the infinity of my prayers. Because I swear to God there is no moment more fearless than putting your hands together in prayer and how incoherent words said with a tear in secret and in fear could change the course of fate, and to say a prayer is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Dear friend, I am heard. It does not matter to you, but it matters to me. It matters to me how I stood outside the Physics laboratory in college desperate for a miracle and being handed with one. It does not matter to you, but it does to me. It matters to me that I know I am heard. And dear friend, losing hope is a terrible, terrible thing. They tell me how unfair life is, but I wonder also how unfair I am to life. When it brings me the winds and the evening skies and moments of silence, darkness, happiness and infinity - and all I see is despair. No, not this time. This time despair is not loud enough to distract me from what is rightfully mine and that is Hope. How unfair I am to life when I curse it for all the bad it brings when the rain can wash it away and I have heard somebody say, dear friend, that rain can wash it all away if you let it.
I may not be wise, but I mean to tell you that with a white bracelet on my hand, I can't help but believe in good things. They come and they go but they happen and that is enough. Good things, good people, and prayers. What is mine will always be mine, and what never was, never will be. And that's okay.
And dear friend, I have only told you it's going to be okay because everything is temporary, just like you and me. I have faith. And for faith, I am infinitely grateful, I am infinitely blessed.
Thank You for listening.
Love,
Me.
I am not afraid to tell you that I have been afraid. It has been strange, but I only know how to bear the strangeness and wish it away through prayer. I only know how to sit up wide awake and wait for Fajar, and feel for a few tiny seconds the Medina air kissing the walls of my room awake. I only know how to feel the relief of seeing the morning winds dust off last night's fear.
I will tell you this: I do not believe in fairy-tales, I do not believe in happy endings, I do not believe in perfection and I do not believe in a perfect life, I do not believe in happiness that ache is not a part of. But I believe in loving regardless, loving despite; I believe in forgiveness, and loving again and again and again with the broken pieces dearer each time. I believe in miracles, I believe in breaking down. I believe in being beautifully flawed. I believe in forgetting the burdens of the Present upon looking at the blue of the sky and wondering about the things and people still to come and that it could never be easy, it could never be perfect, but what I feed from is the infinity of the universe, the infinity of my own being and the infinity of my prayers. Because I swear to God there is no moment more fearless than putting your hands together in prayer and how incoherent words said with a tear in secret and in fear could change the course of fate, and to say a prayer is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Dear friend, I am heard. It does not matter to you, but it matters to me. It matters to me how I stood outside the Physics laboratory in college desperate for a miracle and being handed with one. It does not matter to you, but it does to me. It matters to me that I know I am heard. And dear friend, losing hope is a terrible, terrible thing. They tell me how unfair life is, but I wonder also how unfair I am to life. When it brings me the winds and the evening skies and moments of silence, darkness, happiness and infinity - and all I see is despair. No, not this time. This time despair is not loud enough to distract me from what is rightfully mine and that is Hope. How unfair I am to life when I curse it for all the bad it brings when the rain can wash it away and I have heard somebody say, dear friend, that rain can wash it all away if you let it.
I may not be wise, but I mean to tell you that with a white bracelet on my hand, I can't help but believe in good things. They come and they go but they happen and that is enough. Good things, good people, and prayers. What is mine will always be mine, and what never was, never will be. And that's okay.
And dear friend, I have only told you it's going to be okay because everything is temporary, just like you and me. I have faith. And for faith, I am infinitely grateful, I am infinitely blessed.
Thank You for listening.
Love,
Me.
2 comments:
"Dear friend, losing hope is a terrible, terrible thing. They tell me how unfair life is, but I wonder also how unfair I am to life."
Just like always, every time I read your posts, I picture a voice standing in a halo of bright light echoing words to me. Yet another soulful piece. Loved it! Gave me the break from the hectic schedule I needed today and reminded me that I have to prepare for Maghrib prayers :)
And I will read this again and again until I know each word by heart, this letter is just that beautiful. <3
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