A letter to No One.

Dear You,

When I sing a song, I like to pretend that the blades of the grass, the leaves of a tree, a strand of my hair, the sound of the ceiling fan, the clatter in the kitchen; it is all dancing to it's rhythm. A huge fest of life & all it's melodies, floating in from here & some floating in from way over there.

I like when I'm in the car and the wind is so loud that it drowns my own words. That's when I sing my songs the loudest and no one seems to hear; the melodies are cleverly disguised by the sound of a rickety rickshaw paving it's way through the traffic. I like to pretend the harmonies float into the air, carried by the breeze and tickling the ears of someone, somewhere, listening to the same song.

A thought is special. Because it is entirely my own; veiled to the world by a wry smile or a face buried deep in a Chemistry text book. I wonder what thoughts are made of and if they have any language at all. Little people who are just four days old must have thoughts too, after all. Are they little disintegrated pieces of visions and words, infinite in all their being, constructed delicately with fragile pieces of imagination, so that when you manage to get hold of one and look into it, it is an abyss you fall deep into? (Wow, that was a long question.) Ammi says the good people will get to see God on the day of judgement. Maybe, just maybe, if I try to be good enough, I might have the chance to ask what brilliance these colours & illusions & distant voices swirling around in my head really are. They seem to be made of fluffy nothingness and yet, every great achievement starts from a mere thought. And the thought is the most powerful of all.

In other news, I'm having a really hard time studying. I have no motivation whatsoever. I think I work well only when somebody gives me a reason to do it. I told my Chemistry teacher a few days ago that I did not learn for my test because I'd been -well - busy (I really only didn't learn it). He told me that I had to give my test on Friday at all costs and I agreed. But then he added that he thought it impossible for anyone to cover such topics in the limited time of one day, and he thought I couldn't do it and told me he'd wait for my excuses in the next class. I was worked up. I woke up early in the morning the day my test was due and hurriedly went through the topics. By the time it was time for the test, I was prepared. The look on his face was priceless. And still, I've been sitting here since eight in the morning trying to cram something in my brain and failing miserably. I am so weird.

Although, I did end up learning one thing. The proton and the electron are oppositely charged but they're still atomic best friends; they work together pretty well. I hope I always remember that even though opinions may differ, the sense of meaning well will always conquer the difference in opinions.

The voice in my head was trying to be funny today. I'm very thankful for the voice in my head. It gives me things to write about & make spontaneous jokes with my best friend that I forget about two minutes later. She's skyping with me now. My best friend, not the voice in my head. See? The voice in my head told me to write that.

When I was little and put my hand in the cereal box to explore it's content, I pulled out the maximum number of honey loops my little fist could hold, because I thought that honey loops would get separated from their friends, so I should scoop them out & eat them all together so no honey loop misses another honey loop. I was just as strange then as I am now.

And there's pizza for dinner. Life's good. Thankyou, Allah, for blessing me infinitely. You & I? We're infinitely blessed. And, yes, I know I've said that before. I want to never stop saying it.

Thank you for listening.

Love,

Me.