My brain would be a very strange place to be. There are millions of things muddled up in there. When I can't figure anything out, I find refuge in words. Ammi sometimes gets frustrated and asks me what the heck I'm typing. (Khuta khut, khuta khut as she describes the noise of me hitting the keys, with my tongue sticking out thoughtfully.) I don't know what to say to her so I look up and grin at her, never stopping in between. Well, partially to make her say again, "You can type without looking?" And add exasperatedly, with the shake of a head, "Today's kids!"
It feels like I'm picking up pieces of who I am as I move through life; assembling & re-assembling accordingly. A gust of wind blows a piece away and another puts a new one in place. Is this what growing up feels like? Besides, I'm my sister's height now and her clothes have started
to fit me. And I distinctly remember the moment when I'd asked my big sister when I'd grow long enough to start reaching to the top of the TV that sat atop a table.
Sometimes I surprise myself. Do you remember how I told you that I'd said, "My sixth sense says no." My suspicions were somewhat correct. The whole thing turned out a bid dodgy. I'll admit I was secretly pleased.
Yesterday, I had a good long cry under the blanket while my headphones were stuffed into my ears. That, and some sleep worked wonders. I woke up today reasonably content, and gladly rid myself off any apprehension. I'm thankful for the morning and the Sun rising up everyday; it makes everything a lot less scary and a lot less despondent. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, is a school lesson where the teacher said, "The light can diminish the dark, but the dark cannot diminish a light."
Speaking of school lessons, I remember a time a teacher had been leaving school and it was her last class with us. I think she came close to tears because she suddenly started blinking her eyes rapidly and somehow connecting the History lesson to what she thought was wise advice. And she waved her hands, and started blinking her eyes even more rapidly and said, "Life is not always some fantasy lands full of fairies and butterflies." I felt sorry she had to say such pointless things to serve as a purpose for rapidly blinking eyes. We saw her tears, anyway. People should not be afraid of tears. Even the clouds don't stop crying when there are people dancing in the rain.
There are billions of people on this earth, and God chose me to be Me. And if I'm thankful for my life, I'm thankful for the One who gave it to me. Some things tend to stick to my mind and I will always remember what I'd once read while scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed that went something like this: If everyone's problems were scattered across the ground, you'd be running to pick up your own.
Life is strange. Because it is nothing more than what death destroys in a second. And still we live like we will not be accountable in the end. And to forget your purpose of life while you live it is the saddest thing in the world. I pray to God that He keeps reminding me. Like He just did, through my own words.
I sincerely believe that all prayers are answered. Even if their answer is no answer altogether.
'You're in competition with nobody but yourself.' My English teacher said that. I need to remember that.
Thank you for listening.
Love,
Me.
2 comments:
"A Letter From No one"
As I go through the Valley of Shadows - The Darkness And the Sorrow.
I sit down and think of past, it has grown, what I had sown.
I break down and cry, for this is part of my life - So I shed my tears like the rain - Waiting for the rainbow to come again.
Did you hear it...That's life. It's not fun always, but everything comes at a cost, so I smile and just move on.
For there are more places to conquer than my own mind and heart.
;)
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Keep Writing. I Love Your Letters To No one :P
That was beautiful, thank you.
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