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Monday, September 12, 2011

I wonder if it's important to suffice for yourself. Because sometimes, it feels like my happiness, my pride and especially any anguish is all for myself. You may see reflections of it in the mirror of my words or actions but you can't see the phenomena of all my thoughts, cluttered inside a brain that hardly has space for it all.

It's okay to feel wonderful. About yourself, about who ever you were or who you're going to be. It's okay to look in the mirror and smile because your sister says that your nose looks like a pea is resting on it's tip. It's okay to like your laugh because it looks exactly like Ammi. It's okay to feel beautiful when you look upto a pair of eyes staring at you and then looking hurriedly away as soon as you meet their gaze.

I would never want to be vain. I am stitched together by imperfections. My pony tail is always a little too tight and my clothes a little too big. But they make me. And I am my own companion. I am going to be the only one there for myself when there's no one around to lend a ear. Then, I think, it is not too bad to think of yourself as enough. Enough for whatever you are meant to be.

People say beauty is skin deep. That people are beautiful from the insides more than the outsides. But people are who they are for alot of different reasons. You can't recognize anyone as good or bad, or what they show you. They are alot of different things within themselves, just like I am. I don't think anyone could describe themselves completely even if they took a lifetime. So then, maybe we're all everything in our own selves. A complex mix of everything and something and nothing at all. But the thing is, we are so many things. And that is why I am enough. In all my lifetime, I will walk towards my ultimate destination being alot of different things, but somehow, still managing to stay human, to stay myself.

So then that leaves you with yourself and the One who made you. And so I have God and I have myself. I have myself to craft, to make, to sculpt. And it is a work for entirely myself. I'm going to be okay.



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