If poetry isn't my thing right now, doesn't mean I can't ramble on about pointless things, right?

**

I enter the kitchen and instantly feel a sting of irritation hit me. Onions. I squint and make my way out of the room, but the tears have already formed and I wait for the irritable sensation to go away. I wait and I wait. To my surprise the tears haven't stopped. Out and about from the eyes rolling onto my cheek like dutiful soldiers.

It isn't the onions at all. All the events of the day have chosen to hit me at that very moment and it all mingles up into one chaos of misery inside me. I can't even untangle the irritation from the onions and that huge jumble of fury and sadness that has welled up like a huge balloon.

Plunk. A tear hits the keyboard. Half confused, half furious and partially amused at myself in all of the havoc I've created within me, I start crying more profusely.

I hurriedly wipe off the traces of any rain shower that could've occurred from my eyes. My sister comes in and looks at me with suspicion as I bend my head over the laptop trying to conceal myself. I look up at her and see her glare soften .

"Are you crying?"

"Oh, please, it's just the onions."

"Onions?" She asks uncertainly. When I don't respond, she shrugs and walks away. It was the onions who abandoned me, the onions who made me feel like a hypocrite, the onions who made me feel miserable and the onions who are doing stupid things to my heart. Stupid onions. They make me cry.

The feel of being free.

Do you feel, a part of you drifting underground?
Without a single word, without a single sound.
A certain something that clung to you as long as you could think,
Once when it grew stronger, and now it only shrinks.
Does the feeling dawn on on you, as it does on me?
The feeling of a wider space, the feel of being free.
The feel of having thoughts reap things that aren't about you,
The feel of a being that isn't stuck to you like glue.
Did you hear my heart become whole, once again?
Even struggling to remember, the unwanted haunting pain.
Do you see your power over me vanish into thin air?
The grimaces, the ignorance, I mistook for love & care.
But you, you are the same, I am a different me,
Smiling for a different reason, happy to be free.
And you, you did not see when hope was etched upon my face,
You did not hear my silent screams; you could see no trace.
And you, you were unaware,
While I battled for breathing air.
But I wonder, if, just this once, you find wonder in my glow,
I wonder, if, just this once, you feel me letting go.

Devil's thoughts.

A sudden impulse runs across, persistent in it's way,
A hint, a hiss, a haunting tone, darkening the day.
I battle, fight, throw it aside, and still it grows so strong,
I try to crawl towards the right; it drags me to the wrong.
Constant torture in Devil's thoughts,
Step aside and give me God.

Who I Am.

Because I love it.

Long live tonight.

Completely pointless but I feel giddy today. :D

We feast tonight with the sky, with trinkets full of little dreams,
The stars above, our friends tonight, they positively beam.
Whenever fate, ever the antagonist, sets in to intervene,
I'll smile, I'll shake my head and shout, "I am in my dream!"
A lovely time, with laughs & all, a feast of hope & faith,
And time will stop and dance with us 'till it's far too late.
The day will come, we'll have to wake, much to our disdain,
But here it is an escapade, to throw away the pain.
Too lost in all our songs to care for any wordly fights,
The melodies, they prance and shout, "Long live tonight!"

Voice inside my head.

I'd stab at all your invisible veins that crowd my head with vile,
Your vicious thoughts, they drain me so, make me an imbecile.
You make me cringe, those haunting words you echo in my brain,
Your voice of treachery, only adding to the pain.
Devillish whispers consume my head, torture and despair,
When there is none, I've come to know, you are always there.
The worst part of this nightmare, that might ever be,
Is that you are, undeniably, still a part of me.
You've driven me insane with everything you've said,
And you are, alas, none other than the voice inside my head.

You're Wonderful.

Intricate & delicate, the universe in you,

Laughing all the pain away, smiling through & through.

A rose that's slowly dying, still beautiful in it's way,

A pen that's running out of ink, a million words to say.

Forever young, the child in you: it never dies away,

A warrior in all your grief, growing by the day.

You light up every single thing, be it bright or dull,

You're beautiful, you're dearly loved and most of all, you're wonderful.

A state of war in heart, in mind.

For my friend.

They say that it's not worth it, that I should leave it all alone,
But I've always stuck with hope, ignoring all their groans.
And now you've left me wondering, where do I stand in life?
Surely in a place that's full of dark, suspecting eyes.
It seems like the world's against all that I do & feel,
But one thing that it has done, is turned my heart to steel.
I contemplate in silence, I cry in all my prayers,
Here I am, I am to be, to face these worldly dares.
A state of war in heart, in mind, what am I supposed to do?
Dear God, I pray, you show me ways, I do not have a clue.
This way and that, distractions last, but not for very long,
You're there, here in the air, in every thought & song.
All I know, and all I hope: one day I'll make it through,
And at the end of this long road, just maybe I'll find you.
My God above, he listens to me, every passing day,
He's heard the cries, the pleas, the fear and everything I say.
And one day He's going to show me, what was meant to be,
Until then, I'm living, with every hope and dream.