I've learnt that learning to respect the other person, and keeping your mouth shut when you're supposed to keep your mouth shut goes a very long way. And even though you don't realize it, you're just you, and if ever anyone appreciates that, it's because you don't ever need to be somebody you're not. Lesson learnt.

Schools...out...completely.

I'm no longer in school. It feels so weird saying that. Today was the last day of school...ever. It is almost scary that such a huge phase in my life, making me what I am today, where I've grown up, where I've learnt so much, where I've roughed and toughed through things - it's all ended. It is almost scary to think that this decade full of life, this decade full of color, this decade full of laughter, this decade full of tears, this decade full of moments and this decade full of memories - it's ending.

I cannot even begin to describe what my school has given me. On entering the school, with the first awkward glances from my class mates I was so sure once that I was an outcast not belonging here, coming from a different country and everything. But all of them gave me a reason to belong here, each and every single one of them gave me a smile and a moment to cherish, and they have no idea how grateful I am for all of it.

I truly believe I am very, very luck to have got what my school has offered me. They've helped me discover myself, and through thick and thin, stood by me even when they had no reason to. They've completely shaped whatever I am today. These words that I'm typing right now wouldn't have been possible if Ms Atia hadn't taught me all the correct tenses, this blog wouldn't exist if Ms. Saeed hadn't prompted me in my English, I wouldn't have an ISEO award to my name if it weren't for Ms. Rida pushing me to go audition for my very first elocution - and looking back, this school has practically given me everything.

You'd never find such good company anywhere in the world. Where people don't judge you by your looks, your grades or where you come from - they just appreciate you for being you. I admit that I was late to realize it, but realize I did. People always tell me you'd not get the innocence in friendship other than in school, and I realize that it's true. They didn't have to make me smile, they didn't have to try to make me talk, they didn't have to appreciate my write ups, but they did all that, and they gave me my purpose. Every time the tears fell, they'd be there to back me and whisper words of comfort. And I'm so thankful for that. I hope I was there for them as much as they were for me.

I will never forget strutting into those grey gates and realizing it was almost like Home, I will never forget the pointless things we did when we had free periods, I will never forget that Jay Bay rap, I will never forget feeling important in council meetings, I will never forget that moment Ms. Sarwar announced my name as the English Secretary and how everyone cheered me on, I will never forget feeling alive like never before drumming away on plastic bottles amongst a huge crowd of X C supporters during Elections, I will never forget the bow Ms. Hamid taught me to do after an elocution performance, I will never forget Ms. Seema for congratulating me when I recited my own poem, I will never forget how Ammi came back from parent teacher meetings always smiling and telling me about how every teacher though it wasn't even necessary to talk about my progress, I will never forget walking up the two stairs to get my report card every time my name was announced as the first position holder in a grade, I will never forget IX - C and it's flight of stairs that we somehow got attached to, and now refer it to 'our stairs', I will never forget the famous fan of our class, I will not forget thinking how the council did nothing each year and go to bed dreaming if I'd be in the council one day, I will not forget the Bake Sale and all the efforts we had to make for it, I will not forget Lollipopers or F.F. for that matter and even though both of those ideas were the lamest group that ever existed I found friends worth fighting for, I will never forget the stupid discussions we had over Pet Society, I will never forget that Iftaar at KFC, I will never forget the trip to Tapal factory, I will never forget the stupid games X C came up with like the sitting-down-on-your-knees-hand-in-hand ring-aaaaa-roses, the water balloons, the chocolate chocolate games, I will never forget the absolutely hysterical music classes, I will never forget the laughter attacks in Ms Niaz's class, I will never forget how Sir Muneer was an absolute pain to us and we were an absolute pain to him, I will never forget the kind of jokes and hysterias everyone went into in computer class, I will never forget Sir Saleem's weirdness that was so awesome, I will never forget 'Bye Beta', I will not forget the breakdowns we all had during exams, I will never forget performing my duty upstairs during the Assembly and looking down at that assembled state of my school, and feeling a sense of pride, unless ofcourse a bee came in and everyone screamed and covered their ears and dispersed - I will not forget.

The teachers I've had the honor of being a student of are the best most dedicated of their kind you will ever find. Honestly, they've all so worked hard on all of us, and they'll always be in my prayers. I hope I can be a sadqae-jariah to them.

It was an incredible decade. But it's amazing how this is only the beginning. But one thing's for sure: everything here has shaped me up for whatever is to come.

Even though it's been a wonderful past, by no means do I mean to hold on to it. The future lies ahead, and I've had my ups and downs, but the road just gets tougher, and so do I. Change will be hard, but it will be a welcome chance to broaden my horizons and set free of somewhat of this jail I've set up for myself. Change will be hard, but it will be worth it. It's been a great journey, and now that we've steered this ship almost safely to the shore, here comes another journey. Alot more waves, and alot more storms to brave. But it's a new day and it will bring out the best in me, Inshallah. I hope that it does in all of us.

Thankyou to every person here that has helped me become who I am. Thankyou for arming me with some of the most important lessons that I've learnt. And now we begin in the wake of a hopefully greater beginning. And greater it shall be, Insha'allah.

I'm sorry to the audience that I pretend is reading this, but I really need this long post, because I cannot count on myself to keep my Autograph diary safe forever. And these mean more than to me than the people who gave them will ever know. So they have to be saved forever.

Dear Afridi,

You are a hero to me. Because you won even in defeat.

Sincerely,

Myself.

!تم جیتو یا ہارو، سنو، ہمیں تم سے پیار ہے

(Sorry for the cheesiness of the title, but that song is stuck in my head. :D)

I have to admit I shed a few tears and was incredibly disappointed when they lost, but you know what? I'm still so, so proud of Us. I'm proud of most of the Pakistani media who've mostly shown support even after the defeat, instead of tearing them down like the Indian media always, always does and embarrassingly so, I'm proud that the men in Green held their nerve which anticipated on of the largest audience around the world in the history of cricket, I'm proud that through the intense lows they've gone through as the previous year progressed, they came out, they showed the world they're fighters, and fought with pride in a high pressure semi final everyone had created the biggest hype about.

Thinking about it, it's funny. Why does that ball running away for Four runs matter so much to us? Why do we shout so much in jubilation when the bails of the wicket fall down? Why does cricket mean so much to us? I think it's because it showcases what we truly hold as a nation. When we're out there playing, nobody associates you from any city, nobody thinks about where you born, they see you as Pakistani fighting on the biggest cricket stage, and battling it out with every thing they've got.

You know what's most amazing? Pakistan and Pakistan cricket alike has gone through the roughest stages in it's sixty seven ( I think) years of it's existence in the past few years, their cricket stadiums have been ripped off the right to be played in because of 'security' issues, scandals, chaos - everything. And still - they emerged as a fighting team, topping their group with successive win, and knowing that every single Pakistani around the globe would be praying for them.

Cricket is that one platform that allows us to unite truly. No political parties, no discrimination, no ethnicity taken into consideration - just one nation backing 11 men fighting their hearts out on the field. And that is why cricket means so much to us. In the words of Shahid Afridi, we're an emotional nation. We crack fireworks when we win, and cry when we lose. But when Pakistan gives us one platform to unite, we can do things people don't imagine us capable of. Cricket is that one showdown we give to the world, where we can display what true strength our nation can have, if they have just that one cause to unite them all.

Misbah-ul-haq may have wasted all the balls of the world, we may have dropped 6 catches in one match alone, we may have lost in the end by 29 runs, but you know what? We've fought. And that's just how Pakistanis roll. And when we fight with spirit, when we fight with this oozing enthusiasm, the world stops and stares. Because that's what we are capable of. This is our cricket team and this is our nation. We're unpredictable. One day we'll drop down in pits of defeat, the other we'll fly heights no one's ever flown.

We just need that one leader to give us purpose. Just that one leader. And then, it'll be us and it'll be the world's stunned faces. We love the very sand of our nation, we love the people, we love Pakistan, we hate - nay - detest our leaders, but more importantly, we love cricket! And just like one day we'll lift the World Cup again like in 1992, one day we will all see Pakistan hit Sixers through out the world, bowl out any obstacles in our way, catch any grenades thrown at us and run our opponents out by those same grenades - and one day, we will be champions of not only world cricket, we will be champions of the whole world if we try hard enough, Insha'allah, ofcourse. Pakistan Zindabad!

There is still hope, dear Pakistan. But only if we, as it's people, are warriors and play to our strengths under good leadership, which is exactly the formula for good cricket also. Maybe one day Inshallah we'll get that leadership and soar. Soar heights no one's ever seen. Inshallah. =)

Tweets from Indians:

RT @vivek_oberoi: Also met shahid afridi & his family, told him I thought pakistan played with spirit,grace & all their hearts!#loveandresp

"@Minissha_Lamba: Shahid Afridi-So graceful. So dignified. I hope one day I cud invite him to my humble home for a cup of tea.

Message to Afridi and his team: India won the game, but you and your team won our hearts!

While I'm happy, rather relieved, that #India won, I'm deeply touched by the humility & gracefulness of #Afridi. He never lost composure

Afridi Great sportsman. Very gracious.

Afridi did earn respect ......nice to c good cricketing spirit

Today Shahid Afridi was grace and calm personified. His sportsman spirit was one of the highlights of the match today. Respect.

afridi we love you!

So Afridi won everyone's heart.

Afridi - you were Brilliant- you showed Grace and Dignity- you won our hearts- Good luck to you

afridi made the pain go away by simply saying sorry! takes a great man to be gracious in defeat!

Shahid Afridi impressed with his dignity and sportsmanship ! Kudos to him and his team for putting up a good fight!

absolutely.. Afridi put up a strong and graceful front.

Dhoni needs to learn a few things from Afridi like appreciating other team and it's efforts. Afridi was gracious.

dunno why but i felt a little bad for our opponents ONLY because ofafridi's humility and dignity

Gotta meet afridi now. Inspiring personality

course..who wouldnt have enjoyed it!! but guys total respect for afridi ya

You know what, I don't give a fudge. I still did some bhangra on the empty bridge above the water on Sanj's Boli Paunieh Aye for Afridi! (This is a pakistani tweet, ofcourse. =p )

If Sachin was the Man of the Match, Afridi was the Gentleman of the Match - he graciously congratulated us and apologised to his Country.

obody expected Pakistan to go this far: Afridi

Still thinking about Afridi's grace in defeat. Very impressive

Have to say S Afridi should have won many a heart in India by being so genuinely gracious in defeat

=) Winners always win, even when they lose.

"This video tells the true story of six Gore and one Desi who travelled through Pakistan for eat, pray & love!"

Hahaha epic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D

<3

All the time I come across people who've lost all hope but one. Even if they don't pray on a daily basis, even if they have never fasted, even if they hold back on charity (Allah'u alam, by the way, who are we to judge?) - when they're lost, when they're scared and they have no hope left - they always, always turn to Allah.

Man is oft mistaken. And when there's no way out, he turns to the only One who can turn this around. He can't see Him, He can not feel Him, but he will always feel His presence. It is almost natural instinct to feel Him, when you can feel nothing else.

And then I wonder, Allah has given us so many reasons to smile. Parents to make proud, family to make happy, friends to cherish, and yet we don't realize anything in our happiness. We only realize it in our short comings. Maybe that is why Allah sends them down to us anyway - for it is He who has power over all.

How come we don't recognize Allah ta'la in everything? In that peace you get after saying your prayers? The confidence you get after making Dua'a? The tossing and turning and restlessness you feel until and unless you say your Isha'a prayers? How your hands raise up automatically in a tense moment, as if almost in instinct - making Dua'a? The compelling power of the words of the Quran? The safety you feel in Hijab? How you're completely safe from all kinds of issues of the Western society simply because you follow Islam? How Islam helps us through anything and everything? How there are rules in Islam for everything in the entire world? How come we do not value all of this? How come we've taken it for granted?

Alhumdulilah for every smile you've given me, Allah ta'la. I should definitely thank you so much more over the things you have blessed me with. It's true, even if I spend my whole life counting your blessings, I will never be able to finish. Thankyou for everything.

I am seriously hyperventilating even at the thought of 30th March.

It has been confirmed a holiday in India and I think Pakistani government is working on that holiday too.

Lord save our grace. Please Allah ta'la let us win, Inshallah. NOT HELPING HOW EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD I COME IN CONTACT WITH IS TALKING ABOUT IT.

I even saw a dream showing India 39-3.

Oh lord, the tension.

Wishing it was real.

I wonder about the spark, the shine that lights your eyes,

Your gaze, so calm and fixed - peaceful in it's sight.

I wonder if you just look on, see ghosts of memories,

Or if you don't only look, but search, perhaps, for me.

I shall dream of chances like, though it's close to an ordeal,

I choose to stay in wistful thoughts, wishing it was real.

Escapade.

When the day is done, night dawns upon,

When we'll be sound asleep,

We'll slowly let the magic work,

Loose ourselves in dreams.

We'll run through dimly lit alley ways,

In wake of a grand night,

We shall soar through skies and clouds,

Heightening our flight.

In fairy tales we'll play our parts,

Be kings and queens of time,

We'll travel all through out the world,

Take our place with stars that shine.

And when the morning sun comes up,

And we've to leave to our dismay,

We'll meet again in these lands we own,

At the end of another day.

What to do when computer gets confiscated, and it's serious to the point where your Ammi actualy hides it on the topmost shelf under a big pile of clothes and even when you spot it, you cant reach it because you've been short all your life:

1. Do some quality homework.

2. Show it to the tutor.

3. Tutor is impressed by the quality of your work.

4. Tells your Baba.

5. Baba tells Ammi.

6. Ammi gives you computer back.

Evil minds at work.

You may see it falling apart piece by piece on your televisions. And we might sit back and criticize our leaders for whatever that is happening. We might have the images of 'terrorism' shoved down our throats, and everything bad that happens is labeled exactly that so that the authorities have answers to give to the people they don't seem to care about, and yet - we remain.

It is amazing to see everything that this country has gone through and still remain. As much there is to hate, there is so much more to love. You cannot describe it unless you are a Pakistani, and no matter what you do, no matter how much you deny it, no matter where you live, you'll have to admit deep down that you care. You care alot. And you cannot describe the fire that bursts inside you as soon as someone condemns anything about your country.

It's funny, some years back on this same exact day, our fore fathers were fighting for where we call Home now. On this same exact day, sometime, they were thinking about the future. Sometime this day they stood up, and resolved to built this country upon Allah's name. They swore to fight all battles they might have to fight - and in the end they got our Home. On this same exact day, the thoughts inside their mind might have scared them, they might have been frightened of all the possibilites, and they did not know then that they would achieve everything they wanted- albeit the murderous horrors they'd have to face. They'd achieve Pakistan. And I guess that is why it remains. It was built in the name of Allah, and it will only perish if Allah wishes it to.

And so Pakistan stands. You may read about it in newspapers at your doorstep, or shake your heads at the television, but it stands. We were supposed to be free, but instead we are trapped in our own horrors and mistakes that we don't quit repeating. But you know what? A Pakistani will always tell you that they were proud to be a Pakistani. Because Pakistan is no other country - no sir. It's where you learn to bear the sweltering heat without electricity, it's where your Ammi forces you to do your nashta, where you hear those enchanting tales of the Pakistan Movement from your Nanis and Nanas, and Dadis and Dadas, where the people playing International cricket right now only went upto that level because they played street cricket once like all your male cousins and brothers, where your Khalas and Mamoos and Phuppos and Phuppas and all your 505 cousins are your life, where the weddings live on well into the night, where guests may come and leave as they please for random dawaats, where the brother that lives abroad makes his occasional trips and longs for daal chawal and nothing else, where the biggest head aches come from tailors, driver sahabs, chowkidars, and such, where everyone watches cricket as if it is a matter of life and death, and where you meet people at dawaats and weddings you have no idea existed, but they pinch your cheeks anyway and tell you they saw you as a baby, and where the love from friends (yawwwwwwr), family ( family means great-great aunts, distant uncles, 3rd and 4th cousins and such) and teachers is unmatched. And that is why there is no place like Pakistan.

And you know what else? One of these days all these people will not only be talking about their problems, but out on the streets trying to solve them. One day Pakistan will truly be free, and Inshallah ta'la, Allah will make that day come about. One day Pakistan will be what it was meant to be. May Allah give us strength to bring about that day.

Pakistan ka matlab kia, la ilaha illa Allah.

Happy Pakistan Day.

The news depresses me. Burning the Quran? Really??

You know what?? I'm going to open the Quran tomorrow and learn from it, and I'm going to prove you wrong, person who burnt it, because that's the least I can do. I will play my part, and recite the Quran and learn from it and your efforts will go to waste.

And then there's that Raymond Davis case. =S And the happenings in Karachi. ='(

One of these days I'm just going to run on to the streets and call for a revolution to the people of the world. O Allah, please save us from ourselves. O Allah, may peace reign throughout. :'( O Allah, please save my country. Ameen.

Baba: It's funny! The joke is funny! You are Loafing, I am Loafing, why isn't your Ammi Loafing?

Shazra baji: Loaf, Ammi, Loaf!

My Daddy is awesome because in his strange accent he says Loaf instead of laugh. :D

Ecoute moi.

This is for You.

Smiling lips; they tell you more,

Than words that ever escaped them,

Hiding those raging screams bursting within,

Speaking to you with deafening silence.

Those eyes that gleam in this darkness,

The light in the dark within,

The light that banishes those images that prance around in the mind,

Telling you stories of bloodshed with every blink.

Hands that move lightly, tucking a lock of hair behind the ear,

With every grip, they're fighting the hate eating the insides,

They're fighting as they're rested on the lap,

Fidgeting, shouting at the world the horror of the battles they've fought.

And still so serene, the look on the face,

The face of the girl you see, not know,

The face of the girl that begs you in her silence,

To listen to the stories she does not tell.

You should know.

Kill my joys, and kill my smiles,

Let me sob and let me cry,

But one thing you should know is this,

You can never steal her bliss,

You can try to make me frown,

But don't you ever bring her down,

I'll sometimes let me be deterred,

But I will always stand up for her.

The Princess.

Everything dissolves, voices disappear. She feels light on her feet, light in the head. She turns around in circles for no reason at all, her dupatta draping her body like some magnificent cloak. Her hair hanging loose, her sudden impulse to embrace everything around her - and she dances. She is a princess. Her joy is her kingdom and her smile is her throne.

Her eyes shine brightly as she stops all movement. She rests her head against the wall and thinks of that one ray of light that dangles through the ceiling. That is all that she'd needed to rule this kingdom and all that she will need - hope.

Imprisoned in a room that once echoed her resounding choking sobs. But she's seen that one ray of light that somehow managed to enter the blinding darkness. And she thinks of that moment when she feels all fears inside of her washed out completely. That moment when she'd smiled.

All the adornments she's ever known are stained, smeared and old. This tiny room is her abode. She goes to sleep on stiff, wooden floors - but all she knows is this: she's a princess. Hope is her King, Love is her Prince and she - the princess.

Sorry, dear readers (that I pretend are there even though in actual reality no one really cares about the blabbering that I do on here - like right now) , I need this on my blog.

Outlandish has a song called Aisha. :D And I actually like it. :D

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the highlight of my day. Also the scary cats that were prowling around in the wedding. =/

Okay I seriously need to write some poetry and stop blabbering. Tomorrow, Inshallah.

All about you.

On sad days,

I read a book,

and make myself coffee,

and sleep,

and forget all about you.

Everyone else.

I hate their faults, and all their flaws,

I hate their roars and hurting claws,

I hate the wrongs they've ever done,

I hate the days that they have fun,

I hate their problems, all that they do,

I hate how they always make me blue,

I hate how the problem's not really them,

I hate how it's me causing the mayhem,

How the problem is me, how I need the help,

And I see problems in everyone else instead.

Sometimes you just hold on to things not because you have to, but because you want to. Sometimes you think you've lost it, even though you've let it go.

"Verily, with hardship, there is relief."

More than I love writing the school year autographs, I love watching the people I write it for read them. There's something special about seeing the other person smile, and I watch them all as they read it. There's something about seeing them smile, and finally know that I was a part of the class more than they ever knew. Something I've noticed is that they talk to me more and make the effort to notice me after I've written something for them. I appreciate that, I really do. My school year will finally end in peace. :)

It could not be fixed.

She dropped it from her hands

And onto the floor

And mama said she wouldn't get any dinner

And she was only 4

And mama cared 'bout the three hundred dollar vase

Mama didn't see the flower in her hand

And while she tried to piece it back together

Mama gave up,

Mama said it couldn't be fixed.

She dropped from her As

and ventured into Fs

And the teacher said she would get detention

And she was only 13

And the teacher cared 'bout the grades

The teacher didn't see cuts on her wrist

And while she tried harder and harder

The teacher gave up,

The teacher said it couldn't be fixed.

She dropped herself lower,

Into pits of despair,

And the doctor said it would be okay,

And she was only 18,

And the doctor cared about the money,

The doctor didn't see her clinging on to life,

And while she prayed and fought,

The doctor gave up,

The doctor said it could not be fixed;.

She dropped it in the hands

Of someone she loved

And that someone said nothing at all,

And she was only 24,

And that someone cared about someone else,

The someone didn't see that she could not go on,

And when her heart broke into pieces,

She gave up.

She said it could not be fixed.

She could not be fixed.

I've found that when you put your whole life in God's hands, which by the way should be the case in the first place, it all falls into pieces. You don't have to look further than the prayer mat to find the peace you need. When you tell yourself via the little voice in your head (that has it's spontaneous moments, and planted that idea in your head to tell yourself this anyway) that God will make it work out, that there is no way in hell you will not make it through, that God would want the best for you, and that he will and always will make it work out for anything that ever existed - it all makes sense. You can smile again knowing He's up there planning what he has planned. He is the best of planners. And when you give your whole life into His hands, you can make sense out of every bit. You can see the end line of everything, and know that wherever the end line, where ever the end line, something good will come out of this. It always does. And your role in the whole process is to just let Him lead you. But you can't be leaded if you don't chose to, can you? I mean, if you run away from what He wants, and go for what you want, you'll get what you never wanted. Which means you'll have to go His path, instead of yours. And His path IS your path in the first place.

Okay. I just wrote down what the little voice in my head was telling me, and it worked again. I understand it now. No running away. Ever. (Read: I'll try.) Inshallah. I love you, little voice in my head.

That's when.

When the music stops,

And the lights dim down,

And she lies down finally as the evening closes.

When her mascara smudges her eyes,

When her face looks tired,

And she takes off her earrings,

And plays with them,

Thinking about those things.

When her hair is messed,

And she ties into a messy bun.

And then she looks up,

She looks up at me and smiles,

A tired smile.

That's when..

She's beautiful.

Sprung to life.

Sprung to life in a moment's time,

Leaving all mistakes behind,

Sprung to life, sprung with joy,

Joy is so divine.

Sprung to life in a moment's time,

No borders now, no sidelines,

Front and center and all about,

Joy is so divine.

Sprung to life in a moment's time,

All is well and all is fine,

I'm free if I choose to be,

And Joy is so divine.

If I don't get what to write next in the autograph, I'm going to write Aristotle once said "Baby, you're a firework, come on let your colours burn. Boom Boom Boom. Even brighter than the Moon, Moon, Moon." =/ LITERALLY. SHIZZ LIKE THAT. What do you even write in autographs. *frustrated* *hyper* *happy* *markers* =)

"What comes will come, and you'll have to face it when it does."

I JUST REALIZED. ONLY TWO WEEKS LEFT 'TILL SCHOOL ENDS. That made me happy to a great extent. Finalllyyy.

I don't know if it's alright to shut myself off to things, but I decide I want to do exactly that. I don't want to hear any of it anymore. I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but it's alot better than this.

#Randompointlessrantingthathasnomeaningwhatsoever.

The feat.

One thing I've learnt..

Is that the best part

of falling down?

Is simple.

It's the feat of

managing

To put yourself

Back up.

And

It's really

as simple

as that.

A ship afloat.

A ship afloat, daring the sea,

As careful, though, as she could be,

A cloud, a storm, a rainy day,

She could drown and lose her way,

But she still floats, though barely still,

The tasks ahead seem so uphill,

And she's still there, she still floats,

Never does she lose the hope,

And her reward, what gives her thrill,

Is how she keeps on floating still.

Slumber.

Put me into deep, deep slumber,

Until the lies are done,

Let me drift away and far,

Until we see the sun.

Put me into deep, deep slumber,

Until they make their mind,

Content in dreams and all that's not,

'Till everything is fine.

Put me into deep, deep slumber,

Until they can smile again,

When all of them are brave enough,

To free us from the pain.

Put me into deep, deep slumber,

Until we find our way,

And wake me when the sun comes up,

Bringing news of a good day.

Put me into deep, deep slumber,

I've given up on this,

Wake me with a jolt, a laugh,

Wake me with your bliss.

The stepping stone, the building brick.

The stepping stone, the building brick,

And now that it stand's tall,

She's hidden, t'was she who began,

She's hidden until it falls.

Such joy, such smiles, laughter that roams,

She sits quiet amidst the rest,

She gets nobody thanks', nobody's praise,

For bringing about the best.

And although the ringing laughter sounds,

I know so deep in me,

She knows that nobody - anybody at all,

Could be as happy.....as she.

Why can't this just be a really bad dream. ='(

Day 8.

Tell your life story from someone else's point of view. (Left out some imprtant parts, çause this is long enough. =/)

She was born on the night of 18th February, 1996, and her mother almost immediately named her Aaisha. Growing up, she was as normal as any child could be and I could see that her parents were very grateful for that. If her parents didn't repeatedly tell those little innocent incidents of childhood at parties and gatherings, I doubt I'd know her as a child at all. She was a child after all. But quieter than most. And somehow the impression stuck to everyone, though it wasn't really fair to her, because she was only a child. But it stuck to everyone's mind that she did not speak much, and they are still under the same impression to this day, which I think is not entirely fair, because she might just have accepted it as part of her personality.

For a child she was sober. I don't think I ever saw her with toys, with that exception of the doll house, and how she'd made up stories about the people living in it. She loved it. At school, she had always been the teacher's pet and sometimes people around her got sick of that. Her first drawing was that of a butterfly in which she took great pride in. In grade 2, she discovered her elocuting talents and everyone was surprised, even the teacher herself, when she brought back first prize from the contest. She told me later that she was wishing she'd get the 2nd instead of 1st just so she could watch how the prize was supposed to be taken, and just so she wouldn't embarass herself. I don't think a child in grade 2 should think that, but she did. Maybe she had always cared for people's thoughts, and maybe she would find out later that it was wrong.

In grade 4, she was first in class, and everybody stared at her, and she was stunned, because she'd been the New Kid and nobody had expected this. But the first position seemed to stick, and she could not get rid of it until grade 8, when she landed into the ever welcoming world of the world wide web.

The world wide web had an impact on her life, no doubt about that. And even though she was the youngest in her family, they turned to her when they needed help with computers. She was learning things at a rate almost unexpected, and she did not know. But looking back, she realized it was almost scary.

She was very smiley. Her friends seldom heard her speak. Somehow I could tell that peer pressure was the main issue of her pre-teenage life. She seemed not to mind the medications at all. Dealing with her friends was the biggest challenge for her.

She grew up, eventually. In grade 9 she learnt that friends don't rule your life, but she grew even more quieter if that was possible. Studying didn't appeal anymore and grades were low. I don't know what had gotten into her.

Grade 10. She became English Secretary of her school. But she was even quieter. Sometimes you could even see tears in her eyes for no reason at all. At the farewell they called them crocodile tears but they were not. If they knew, they'd be shocked. But nobody knew.

Grade 10 brought a lot of new developments though. She grew closer than you could think with her two cousins, and when they're together you would never find a quiet corner in the house. Well, the quietness had to end somewhere. And this point in life, she had inspiration. She discovered herself. When she sat down to write again after a good many years she found that if she listened to the voice in her mind, and wrote down what it said, she was onto something. This year changed her alot. She found great friends, so unexpectedly (one of the best just happened to be Canadian) and she was so thankful. She found inspiration and she found that she would love to be a heart touching many. She found herself.

And now she only wishes that the end of this story will be something better. Something that would tell the world that..She Was Here.

Today was so happy. Alhumdulilah. :)

Day 7.

What sets you apart from the crowd.

Everything? But then again, in a crowd of people everyone would be different. I don't believe that you can generalize people. All of them are different and so to speak, everything about everyone sets them apart from the crowd. And everything about me sets me apart from everyone else. But if we were talking about what traits people normally have and I don't or vice versa, I'd say that I'm exceptionally quiet but have a really loud mind, which most people do infact, only some choose to actually speak the loudness of their mind. Also, I'm exceptionally awkward, socially. I just can't think of things to say to people, and hence I'd be considered a really, really boring person, and it's just that my mind only conjures up things to say when I'm alone, and when I'm not under pressure of a actual conversation. So basically I'm awkward as heck, and if you've never met me, I'm really glad that you haven't because I'd have no idea what to say. I'm a weirdo. That's what's not normal about me. But I think deep down, every one is a weirdo, even our school vice principal, who nobody can imagine being weird. But I think she is. And I don't think being weird is bad or anything. When you're weird, you're being true to yourself and I've found that it is very important. That's why I'm just a weirdo inside my mind, and shy-kind-of-weirdo on the outside. And also, as you can see, I have a tendency to move far, far away from the topic.

Anyway. I don't think I have anything that most people don't. I don't know. I can rhyme! Sometimes. See what I'm talking about? Okay, maybe I have the ability to remain quiet. REALLY quiet. I like to think it's a superpower. (I know it's not, okay? You don't have to press the point.) Wait let me think. I can touch my nose with my tongue? Ah, see, I found something! Not particularly an - er- attractive ability, but an ability all the same!

So yeah. To sum it up: Being shy, awkward, socially challenged and being able to touch the tip of my nose with tongue. Haha, can't you just imagine how awesome I am. ;)

You'll give its love to pasts & ghosts.

When you have lost, and lost your way,

And losing more, to your dismay,

If you look within you shall find,

Sometimes loss can turn you blind,

You'll blame yourself, you will regret,

You'll curse the day, you will forget,

Each passing second, each passing day,

There's a heart for you to find your way,

You'll give that heart to someone else,

When you could only help yourself,

You'll give its love to pasts & ghosts,

When it's you who needs the love the most.

I contemplate, I look within.

On sidelines - eyes that merely see,

With hands that move but aren't free,

I see, I watch, I take it in,

I'm looking at those smiles and grins,

I contemplate, I look within -

I find it's a different world inside.

Join hands with those that reach out to me,

I laugh and feel the ecstasy,

I see some cry in their despair,

I don't see them, I know they're there,

And I contemplate, I look within -

I find they're hidden in me.

Lighted faces and joyous screams,

Happiness bursting out the seams,

I'm going there, I'm on my way,

I'm going to turn around the day,

I contemplate, I look within..

and I find..

I...depend on me.

Our family could be a reality TV show! Seriously!! xD

More than what we do.

Sometimes I find,

That Life..

Is a matter of

what we choose not to do

More than

what we do.

The perks of being a wallflower.

Just finished reading that PDF.

It was amazing. Like Charlie says, since it is the last book I read, it is my favorite.

It was also amazing how much I could relate to Charlie, even in the smallest of ways.

I also liked how Charlie liked to begin his sentences with 'And' and didn't really use big, fancy words to decorate his writing, because I loved his simple sentences.

Most of all, I liked how Charlie wrote 'honestly'. Just events put forth. Right in the readers face for him or her to comprehend. It was simply honest. And it was the best part.

Here's one of the paragraphs at the end:

But it's like when my doctor told me the story of these two brothers whose dad was a bad alcoholic. One brother grew up to be a successful carpenter who never drank. The other brother ended up being a drinker as bad as his dad was. When they asked the first brother why he didn't drink, he said that after he saw what it did to his father, he could never bring himself to even try it. When they asked the other brother, he said that he guessed he learned how to drink on his father's knee. So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them. I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad. Just like what my sister said when I had been in the hospital for a while. She said that she was really worried about going to college, and considering what I was going through, she felt really dumb about it. But I don't know why she would feel dumb. I'd be worried, too. And really, I don't think I have it any better or worse than she does. I don't know. It's just different. Maybe it's good to put things in perspective, but sometimes, I think that the only perspective is to really be there. Like Sam said. Because it's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.

And my favourite sentence he used in the whole book?

"And that was that."

Well, atleast this day is over. =/

Here's hoping for a much better tomorrow, Inshallah. =)

Day afta tomorrow gonna be epic tho. =) Looking forward to to that so muchhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I get too caught up in myself, and every little thing seems to affect me. But I don't understand why I forget how frustrated I get when I mean the best of people but end up doing the wrong things. I don't understand why I forget that whatever a person does is for a reason. I don't understand why it is that whenever I tell that to myself in a 'situation', I tend to hold on to what is upsetting me instead of listening to myself. I don't understand why in those moments I'm down I don't want to lift myself. Instead I just think of all the things upsetting me, when infact I could just let them go, think with a level head, analyze the other person's situation and move ahead instead of clinging on to the bad. I don't understand why I have the tendency to do that. Why, when I'm down I look for more reasons to down myself even more. Why I don't think every person has a reason for what they do and it's not just about me. It's so selfish of me. Moments ago, I was doing exactly that. So whenever I catch myself doing that, I'm going to write, and convince myself it's not just about me. It's about the people around me. It's about realizing that if they upset me, they don't know what I'm feeling. If they knew, they would never mean to do anything.

Thankyou, writing. You always save me from myself.

You'll find answers.

Sweat and blood engraved in stones,

Of this story that we built.

Now falling bricks and falling stones,

And cries and hounds that fill.

When you stop to ask yourself,

What brought it to its doom,

You'll find the answers you're searching for

In memories that still loom.

Day 3.

Day 3 —Write about the worst time you’ve ever put your foot in your mouth.

I excel on doing this at a daily basis. So.

The worst was probably with G1 & G2.

They asked me a simple question. I could have given a simple answer. But I did not. Instead I felt the pressure of the situation, I felt the pressure of the question and I blurted out a simple "Yes," at which they laughed at. I don't know why, I get tensed when somebody asks me a question. I'm always afraid of saying something stupid, and do exactly that in the process.

In that moment, my insides clenched and I could feel the tension rising within myself as the stares grew more fixed. So I said Yes. I simply cannot think of answers other than what I'm saying to myself, the truth. If I can't tell them the truth, I can't tell them anything anymore. Lying about anything has ended up in worse results. And this was lying. I said YES. And I was laughed at. It was horrible. I don't know how anyone could have been half as stupid as I was.

Before you judge me.

I may not be the soothing ocean, vastness of the seas,

But I am the calming breeze that blows, trying to set you free.

I may hide in places, so secretive in my lair,

But you should know, I'm hiding, but I am always there.

I may not be a wall so strong, protecting you from harm,

But I shall help you build that wall in all grief, in all alarm.

I may not have the power to break whatever comes and breaks you,

But I shall help you pick the debris, I will help you though.

I may not be a raging fire, dominant over all,

But I'll be the needed water, I'll help you through your falls.

I'll be your sun, I'll be your shine, I'll be the love in all your letters,

Before you judge me by what I look, just think, I might be better.

Happy Birthday Boom Boom. You're a true Pathan and I have new found love for you. =D It's because somehow... you inspire. I like that. =)